Today has just been one crappy thing after the other.  But because it's mostly involving Things I Don't Blog About and my dad's health, there's really no point in blogging about it - other than I want to tell you, I want to be in a snit.  I really do.  All of the issues of today can't be pointed at just one person, it's a lot of that, 'none of us were paying attention like we should' and things fell through the crack and you know me; if it's not perfect, if I messed up, I'm crushed. 

I wish I could just brush off the mistakes; yes, we all make them but when I make them I often feel as if it is the end of the world.  I try to not act out after a mistake, I try to rein in my, 'woe is me! doom! doom! doom!', faze and move on with it.  But just because I don't act that way doesn't mean I don't feel it.  So the latter half of tonight has been me kicking myself while I'm down, pointing out everything I really could do better if I would just open my eyes and try a bit more. 

No, I am not perfect. 
Yes, I tend towards lazy. 
No, it is not the end of the world. 
Yes, I wish the ground would open up and swallow me now for my lack of perfection.

And then I talked to my mom.  We both got to complain to each other, and wonderful mother that she is, she wholeheartedly tries to make everything better.  I need to be a better daughter and call more often, but when I do call I learn everything my dad won't tell me about his health and then I recall why we haven't talked as much recently and of course my mom has to start in on my weight.  Because ya know what?  I'm fat.  And no man will love a fat girl, and I will feel better about myself skinny.  Sheesh.  I love, love, love my mom, but skinniness does not equate happiness.  Explaining that to her was a run on the never ending wheel of, 'yeah but-'.  I would do better to go unloved by another human being than have that love hinged on my waistline.

Anyways, I think I should shower, curl up in bed with Face Off and sleep this out.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  It's Thursday after all, and that means #writersdatenight!

Okay, so I was chatty, then silent, then chatty - dramatic! - and then silent again.  I'm sorry, very sorry - last week was just a lot to handle.  No, my father's health isn't great - and I'm not supposed to know anything so I'm not going to talk publicly about what I'm not supposed to know.  There has been Other Family Drama, resulting in me turning rather anti-social.  I think after a few crazy weeks I need some down time, without the crazies or the distractions to sort of recharge.

But wait! This is me we're talking about - I hardly know how to do nothing, ya know?  Last week was almost an experiment in just that.  Oh wait - no it wasn't! 

Monday I did spend solo, warding off the world, cleaning, doing grocery shopping, etc.

Tuesday was Cover Girls, a monthly book club up in Plano my friends and I trek up to attend because it's just awesome.  I made cake-pops, which there are pictures of them in my Flickr.  I also made some book-pops with Dakota Cassidy's new book My Way To Hell done as a flag.  Super cute.  Check out my bakery success, fer serials.  Somehow, I'm not quite sure, but I wound up as the Teachers Pet at this event, lol.  The organizer, who turns to my friends and says, "I don't remember names, I'm sorry," proceeds to call me out of around 60 women for opinions and things.  It was funny and Certain People poked and prodded at me all night, but we were all laughing about it and really I didn't care.  Hey, it's flattering to get noticed!  You're lying if you disagree!

Wednesday was dance - but sort of a big night.  My dance school was featured by Groupon.com and Wednesday was the first night people could redeem their class voucher.  400 people signed up for the class!  400 people!  There are now two beginner classes on Wednesday.  I'm getting kicked up to the Intermediate Class that meets afterwards.  Sunday instead of just having Aliki's class, there will be two additional beginner classes taught by Neenah.  That's a lot of additional classes!  That's a lot of people!!

Thursday - Writers Date Night - and Cid forgetting the power supply.  It was a very beneficial night as I plotted out a new WIP and worked on some additional writing stuff I'm doing.

Friday - I think, don't quote me on this because I cannot for the life of me remember - I spent alone!  ALONE! HURRAY FOR ALONE TIME!

Saturday was dance class again - this one seriously kicked my butt.  We worked on floor work, and how to gracefully get onto the floor while dancing.  It's freaking Wednesday and my whole body still hurts.  The worst move we did was getting down on the floor, sitting on your legs.  Raise your butt up off of your legs just enough to clear your heels, and then move hips in a circular fashion while making your arms look pretty.  There are all sorts of directional changes and other things to do.  It also hurts like hell after not using those muscles seriously for a year!  We also did fifteen minutes of arm drills.  I didn't think this would be that bad.  Arms? Pshaw!  O. M. G.  The rest of the day I spent groaning every time I got in and out of my friend's car.  We went shopping in the pm for clothes.  I lurv shopping, and I lurv making people be my personal barbie dolls - because I never really played with them as a kid I guess I just like reliving that portion of my life now, right?  Did lots of great shopping, had dinner with some other friends and hung out for ages talking and whatnot so I got home uber late.  Now, I cannot just get home and go to bed, I have to like, unwinde and stuff, so I check my email and - So a few months ago I wrote lots of short stories and submitted them.  Haven't heard anything so I just accepted the silent rejections and moved on with my life.  Waiting in my inbox was a contract for a short story I'd written and submitted.  A contract to be published - and paid!!!!  I text'd tons of people, heck, you probably already know yourself but it's still fun to blog about!

Sunday was all about being at home and writing and reading and knitting and watching movies.  Really productive in some areas, I will say.  Started a new knitting project I'm excited about and will probably share pictures of later.

And this brings us to Monday - which was a random celebration of my impending published status and going out with the belly dancers to support Aliki dancing at Stratos.  Stratos is probably becoming my new, favorite restaurant, sorry McAllisters!  It's just a fun place.  Dance floor where the dancers dance every so often.  Amazing Greek food; I ate flaming cheese!  The waiters are almost all super cute.  And you get to dance!  Even on the tables!  Aliki got a bunch of us up to do a Shakira routine with her that we pretty much improved.  We did Greek dancing and some other line dancing - the only thing we didn't do this time - dance on the tables, lol.

So now we're at today - and today is another shutting the world out day, but only because there are books coming in on order today I'm crazy about and Must. Read.  The rest of the week is dance, writers date night and RA, so my live moves on in an ever persistent pendulum of crazy!

Okay, so I'm not going to go into the details because everything is very sketchy right now, but there are some issues with my father's health.  I'm sort of on the verge of exploding in anger and frustration - and then behaving like any girl faced with the mortality of her bigger-than-life daddy.  Blogging will be sketchy because I don't really want to talk about this.  Just not ready to yet.

In other news, starting back on the critiquing/revising wagon.

And now I'm going to bed.

I probably shouldn't blog - because I'm uber tired, but it's my lunch break and I'm too tired to write or revise credibly and my eyeballs feel like falling out of my face so reading is out *gasp* so OMG I'm going to blog!

This week sees me as being uber busy - which isn't really that unusual, just not really at a point that I wanted to be busy.  I have things that I've promised people I would do and because stuff happens I'm sort of a flake.  I hate flakes.  I'm pissed at myself for being flaky.  Flakyness is a sore subject right now; because of flake behavior my bestfriend and I haven't seen or really spoken to each other in months.  I just got tired to being flaked on and just decided there was no point in getting upset about stuff and said something polite and all - well, when you want to hang out, call me.  We haven't spoken.  I'm not upset at her, but I'm upset that everything has unraveled like it has.  I try very hard to be dependable and come through on stuff, because I know how much it sucks to not be able to depend on people - and I've been a wonderful flake recently.

Goal for the next week: improve on the flaky behavior.

So what am I busy with this week?

Well, last night I went to see Iron Man 2 with guy-friend (I have to come up with a better way to name people for privacy's sake).  I have to say, I think Pepper is a freaking bimbo; she should have left that job 5 minutes into the first movie.  She's stupid for sticking around.  That's my opinion!  The movie was entertaining - and guy-friend and I are um, we're movie-talkers.  If you're familiar with Mystery Science Theater, that's kinda what it's like sitting through a movie with us.  We talk, laugh uber loud, and follow tangents.  This is why he's currently my fav movie buddy.  It's a rare person who doesn't mind my endless chatter.  The really funny thing was after the movie we decided it was a GREAT idea to go back to my place and watch Inglorious Bastards, which I've had from netflix for like two weeks, maybe more.  Yeah, I had no idea it was full of subtitles.  My contacts were trying to peel themselves off of my eyeballs by the end of the movie. 

Tonight is uber seekrit project meeting.  I'm thinking it'll include lots of tangents, talking, and possibly some productivity.  I can't say any more or else the other co-conspirators might ambush me for my snack money.  (Not really. I could tak'em.)

Practicing for harem night hasn't happened a whole lot.  I have hardly any room to practice in my apartment.  I think that I'm just going to take my hip scarf with me tonight and make everyone learn the routine so I can practice in an open space.  I have got to figure out what to do with my hands.  They're totally out of control, lol.  So yes, dance class is tomorrow night, it'll be lots of fun and I'm really liking it.

Friday is yet up in the air as far as what's going on, as well as Saturday - though there was discussion of going to the derby game - I should probably poke people about that, shouldn't I?

And Sunday is Father's Day!  I need to do something special for him.  I think he's hit a streak of blue days.  His health is good, but he's getting older and I think that's hard on him right now, and with my mom always gone on her bike he's left alone and lonely a lot.  I need to be a better daughter and call him more often.  I suck at phone calls.  If my dad would only learn how to text.... Well, then we'd never STOP talking and he'd probably know far more about my life than he wants to - because anyone who text's with me generally ends up that way.

So I had someone ask me: Don't you ever regret your tattoos?

Honestly?  Nope.  I mean, there have been times that I've stopped and realized that life would be easier were I not a tattoo'd person.  I've realized that a guy didn't like me because of my ink.  I've realized some girls are scared of me/won't talk to me because of my skin color.  But you know what?  It's like a litmus test for people; the ones who really are cool enough to be in my life pass it with the physical.  So if you think for an instant I regret or wish I would have done something differently, please stop.  I'm happy with who I am.  Okay, I'd like to loose like 50 pounds and I'd like it if my hair were longer, but really - those aren't that big.  So I'm happy with me, so you should be happy for me.

And really cold Dr Pepper burns going down and is a great way to really wake yourself up!  Back to work I go.

I don't have a lot to say but i feel bad about neglecting this blog, my other blog, and reading hardly any blogs.  I gave up reading blogs about a month ago to get myself to be more productive ~ and had the most productive month evah as far as writing goes.  which means there's not a lot else that I've really been doing.

And I get to finish season 3 of Dexter tonight, which is awesome.  I haven't watched much tv or many movies.  In fact, I think the last movie I went to see was How to Train Your Dragon...  And that was a while ago.

Some friends and I are working on an uber seekrit book related project we can't talk about ~ but really excited about what's in store.

My parents are doing well.  Mom's cycling, dad's hanging out, so nothing big or life changing there.

Dance class is going awesome.  I have a recital at the end of the month ~ yes, that means I'm performing. Dancing.  In front of people.  It's fun and something interesting to throw into my week.

Oh, and I've decided I should grow my hair out longer, something niceish looking.

I'm also going to own up to the harsh reality that I hate housework.  I need to take a whole day and just clean.  My bedroom.  The kitchen.  Floors.  Carpets.  The whole nine yards.  But have I?  No.  Do I plan to anytime soon?  Not really.  But do I need to?  Yes.

Okay, that's me rambling about nothing at all to ease my conscience about my lack of blogging.  There.

Thanks to those who have contacted me willing to help with research. I appreciate it!

I've gone from being an every-day blogger to a, you-might-think-I've-fallen-off-the-edge-of-the-world blogger.  *sigh*  I'm sorry!  There's either nothing going on or I can't possibly think of anything interesting to say that's not something like, 'I'm writing.' or 'I just wrote this really cool scene where so-and-so does THIS and whats-his-face does THAT! It's awesome!'  Because as much as I know it excites me, I don't even pretend to think that anyone wants to hear a minute by minute replay of my writing.

What is new is that tonight I start dance classes.  Yes, dance classes.  I'm taking a belly-dance class this month, well, for the next four weeks.  After tonight I'll know if I'm a once-a-weeker or a twice-a-weeker; I'm thinking twice a week, honestly.  I'm already looking at hip scarves.  I'm not too excited about the whole belly-dance costume, but the hip scarves are super nifty.  I'm sure I'll have all sorts of interesting bits to say tomorrow about my dancing experience; heck, I might even surprise you and double blog!

Besides the dance class, I've been thinking heavily about tattoos.  For several years now I've had standing plans for a full sleeve on my left arm.  I love the memory-tree idea and in my head it looks uber cool.  However, now that I'm in a professional environment - I have learned how much I hate wearing longed sleeves.  Plus, it's Texas and Texas is freaking HOT in case you don't already know.  I'm toying with the idea of cutting the tattoo down to a half sleeve, get it designed to look like a stained glass window and just have multicolored stars hanging from it so it mirrors the stained glass window on my right arm.  I'm not sold on the idea at all, which is why I must now begin the stewing process.  This probably also means I most likely will not get a tattoo in 2010.

I'm also still in limbo about my two submissions for press; I have 12 days left until no response means no acceptance.  I'd really prefer a rejection letter, personally, but understand that not everyone has time for those types of things.

My family is doing well.  Dad is of course experiencing some changes to the way he does things but he's coping and things are good.

Hmmm ~ Oh! I finished Avatar: The Last Airbender and recently came to understand that the movie will really be three movies.  I sort of died a little on the inside when I heard that.  I don't have much faith in Shammy, can you tell?  I could stomach one movie, but three is trying my patience.  I should be open minded, I know, but I like the series.

And I got a new phone. I think that's the end of my exciting news.

Yes, I really am.  I'm going to blog about stuff.

....Hmmmm, what should I say?

Well this weekend was one huge long social function.  Friday is somewhat of a blur.  I think there was tv watching and writing and hanging out with Alicia.  I think.  Like I said, Friday is somewhat fuzzy.

Saturday was one huge circus.  I was up early and drove to Cleburne to drop off a check and then to my parents house.  My sister and her boyfriend were there - which was a surprise.  We spent the day doing stuff around the house and talking.  My sister also thought it was okay to punch me.  She didn't like it when I punched back.  She didn't like it when I restrained her from escalating the situation further.  After a long, exhausting day at my family's place, I couldn't decide what to do when I left.

I knew there was a Supernatural marathon going on at my place.  I also knew I wasn't in the best mood to be social and watch a show I don't particularly like or dislike.  I made a weak effort to go do something else but wound up at my place piddling around on my laptop and listening to Supernatural and needling some of the girls  :P

Eventually I went to bed.  Only to wake up and .... they're still there! And Supernatural is still on!  LOL

Sunday is Crafty Day so that means it was just more people in and out of the apartment.  It's funny how Crafty Day has sort of.... become movie day.  We watched both Boondock Saints movies and started season 1 of Dexter.  It was a grand finish to a long weekend.

I now need to ensure that I bury myself in The Cave for several solo hours at some point or else I might turn into Evilness.  This is the problem with being both extroverted and introverted.

Okay, I'm sorry about being MIA for the last like.... 48 hours.

To sum it all up quickly: Dad is at home! Hurray!

Tuesday we thought we were going to do a meet with the cardiologist and hopefully squeeze in the test Tuesday so they could evaluate it Wednesday and if we were lucky send him home Wednesday night.  Cardiologist walks in and says that there's no reason to run the test.  They already know from his other tests what it's going to say and there's no reason wasting money and time to quadruple check.  So my mom takes him home!  It was all very exciting.

So far the new pills are working just fine.  His normal doctor yesterday said that the blood thinners are working just fine and his blood pressure is normal for when he's not on the meds - which basically is really good news, though I don't 100% understand it all right now.  Sleep deprivation and all that.

Thanks everyone who has been so supportive during this whole ordeal! It's been crazy and one heck of a wild ride.  Maybe now I'll get some sleep.... Or read a book..... Or get caught up on writing....

Telemetry, which to my ears sounds like taxidermy.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need sleep, right?

I left the hospital last night and went home with the intention of going to bed. I read. you can imagine how well I am today after yet another night spent mostly not sleeping.  I apparently want to be the next person in need of medical attention.

There wasn't much change to my dad's state during the day.  A few tests were run but they were still saying that he would probably get released this evening.  Mid-afternoon I was requested to come back up to the hospital so I gathered up my work things and here I am!

Sonograms are good for things other than seeing little gray blobs that might be a baby swimming in a woman's stomach.  You can also watch blood vessels as they pump away.  There's something not right about one of the vessels that runs up the back of my dad's brain; there are two main ones back there and it's not abnormal for a person to have an underdeveloped one.  So at first they didn't think it was that big of a deal but then the doctor saw a bit of brightness.  Brightness in darkness apparently on these things is a bad thing.

In short, it looks like there is a blood clot in my dad's brain that could have caused some damage in the rest of his vessels that they previously decided was normal wear and tear. 

*Insert Cid Freaking Out Silently While Smiling As If Nothing Is Wrong*

The doctor informs us that this is not major.  That there is absolutly nothing to worry about.

Ya-huh, you just told me there's a freaking bomb in my dad's head, that's what it sounds like!

*Cid is still calm, cool and collected*

They say he doesn't necessarily even need treatment after some things they're going to do here.  However, they could put him on Coumadin.  This is something like a treatment and way of life.  I don't fully understand right now but it would make my dad something of a free-bleeder.  This sounds really bad to me. Why? Because my dad is still very active.  He rides horses, he handles cattle, he wields knives and guns and does stuff that could cause bruises or cuts to happen - which could make him bleed to death under the wrong circumstances.  Right now we're discussing what to do next.  Still have a smile on my face, things are going to be okay, but I'm a little freaked out right now.

It's 9pm and I just sat down on my couch with my last cupcake and a Dr Pepper.  I'm so exhausted I'm too tired to sleep.  In the last nine hours our plans changed completely.  Originally I was going to go home after we grabbed lunch but then we decided after hearing that since the tests were all coming back either 100% positive or inconclusive they are most likely going to be sending him home tomorrow - that there was no reason whatsoever for me to stay the night at the hospital.

While on one hand I want to be there for my dad, I also know I won't sleep at the hospital. I've had maybe an hours total sleep in the last 24 hours, most of which was done in 10-15 minute spurts when I nodded off in some superly uncomfortable position.

We were finally moved to what I call the taxidermy level, but I think it's actually called taxonomy. I don't know what that means, but it's a Level 2 - and the lower level you are the closer to getting home you become, so this is great!  We've been able to bring in pie and soup from non-hospital places for him and he's drank some Dr Pepper and was asking for a snickers.  He's even up and moving around and they cleared him to be mobile without supervision so he can get up and sit in the super comfy recliner and shower and stuff like that.  This is all really GOOD!

Everyone is exhausted, so I left a bit ago to come home and shower and sleep.  So what am I doing here? This doesn't look like sleeping to me!

I think hospitals want to discourage people from visiting.  The whole place is freezing.  The chairs are uncomfortable, and if you thought they were uncomfortable, wait until you try to sleep in them.  They're worse.

So far I slept for about fifteen minutes laying on the floor.  I put my head down on the doctors desk in my dads room and slept for another fifteen to twenty minutes.  And then I got smart and pushed chairs together in the waiting room! (The floor was too cold by this point) I've been dozing for about an hour and a half - and it is not pleasant.  I feel worse than when I tried to sleep in the first place! And super intelligent me forgot her contact case and glasses back at the apartment.  Genius I tell you!

At 8am, we know nothing more other than they want to move him to the second floor, which is called something like taxidermy, but not.  They aren't going to be stuffing my dad to get rid of his problems!  We're on the Nuro ICU floor now; they moved him here first because it's the worst-case-scenario-best-place-to-be. But he's not worst-case-scenario, he's best-case-scenario, so we get to go to taxidermy!  But not yet.  It's 8am and I'm bleary eyed and just getting the feeling back into my toes.

My mom got here around 3am and is currently sawing logs like no one's business, but she probably cycled several hundred miles yesterday so she really deserves some sleep.

10am now.  Dad is in having an MRI and MRA right now.  We have been informed that he won't be going home until Tuesday and that because of his preexisting heart condition there is some serious risk of bleeding and other heart complications.  However, he seems to be doing really great so even though there are some new concerns and stuff he's going to need to be tested and kept on watch for we're staying positive.

Noon!  We think he's had the MRI and MRA....  Just got to watch him have an ultrasound on his neck.  That was kinda cool.  Making plans for the next few days so that either my mom or I are here and making provisions so I can work from the hospital.  About to head home for more necessities and then come straight back!

Well, you can say that everything with me is an adventure.  It all happened when leaving the theater from watching How to Train your Dragon when my mother called me.  I answered the phone and just heard... well, noise.  And then I heard my mother, but she wasn't talking to me.  I assumed it was a pocket call or something, but I listened anyways just in case, and I overhear something to this affect:

"I have money! I will pay you whatever you want.  I'm on a bicycle, I need to go 30 miles in that direction.  My husband just had a stroke, and he's in Ft Worth." at this moment she realizes that I'm on the phone. "Oh - I didn't mean to call you, but dad's had a stroke, they're transferring him to Harris in Ft Worth. You need to go there now. Bye!"

.....and thus ensues a lot of chaos. Now, as soon as I heard the bit about my mom being on a bike and needing to go in "that" direction my heart was already in my throat.  If something was so bad she was going to pay someone to drive her 30 miles - 30 miles which would go towards her year-end-goal - well I knew it was serious.  By the time my mom finished and hung up on me I was running through a very busy theater parking lot in the rain and yelling at my friends to run or get left behind.  I'm such a nice friend.  I love you guys, I really do! ...but I probably would have left you and had Ryne come back for you.

My mom is in Houston and was going to do two days of long bike rides, but is now on her way home and then here to the hospital where we will pow-wow and .... hang out.

And let me pause to say that Ryne was amazing.  In the moments of me doing my own rendition of Connie and Carla's escape from the airport, he made me a to-do list as I spouted things off and made me laugh with an appearance of the Hardcore Frog.

So I got everyone to my place, dumped them off to watch Supernatural - I think?  At which point I drove like a mad-woman to Harris in Ft Worth.  My dad was probably in ER for 30 minutes before I got there, so all in all it worked out really well.  We hung out in the Er and they let him have food and sign papers and all that fun stuff.  And can I say that ER is like, the most boring place on earth?  Nothing happened - which is probably good - but we didn't even have a tv!

My Dad - TV = Super Grumpy
My Dad + TV = Grumpy

It's the small things in life.

Around midnight we got moved upstairs to ICU - I think. It might be some t-word that makes me think taxidermy.  I love my dad, but I don't want to get him stuffed, thanks!

At the moment his prognosis is that he had a stroke, but it's the kind that works its self out.  They're even talking about releasing him today, Sunday, so that's really good!  Just need to do a bunch of tests and try to determine what happened and if it's preventable, etc.  It's super scary and I'm sure that as soon as the adrenaline wears off I'll have a breakdown or pass out or something, but for now I'm wide awake and ..... might do some writing.... or just sit here and worry and fret. That too.

Okay, so there's a perfectly logical explanation for my silence all week.  I've been sick.  I didn't really think all that bad sick, but enough that I just sort of curled up and -- didn't do a lot.  Like, I took Tuesday afternoon off - and slept.  Had the bad idea I felt well enough to go get soup with a friend.  Well, I did but I had such a bad case of medicine-head that I was a zombie.

The drama really started happening Wednesday when I woke up around 4:30 or 5am and decided I should take another dose of generic brand Nyquil stuff and go into work at lunch.  I boot up my laptop and shoot off an email to my Florida people - and curl up and go back to sleep.  I woke up hours later when I had to pee.  And after you pee - you of course need food!  It was about 10:30, so I figured it was okay if I got up.  I'm halfway through making my sandwich when - someone starts pounding on my patio door!  Now, I'm disoriented enough I don't really realize at first it's my patio and that it's not really in my head.  I finally go over and pull back the blinds - and my mother is on my patio.

Insert a moment of extreme confusion and then mild panic as I think something has happened to my father.  My mother, carrying a pair of heavy bolt cutters comes in and informs me she was about to break into my apartment.  In short order I come to find out my work never got my email.  So, they called my emergency contact - my parents.  My mom zips over from work and had been pounding on my front door for some time.  However, because my friend is crashing on my couch for the time being all the doors between me and the front door are closed - I never heard it.  I'm sure the heavy case of medicine-head played a big roll.

Not long after the cops show up and the management office at my apartment complex are calling; because the complex couldn't unlock my apartment for my mom, they instead offered to call the cops to do a wellness check.  So me with my medicine head had two cops, my mom, and the management people of my complex in my apartment explaining that I really was okay.  It was crazy.

Okay, so today is the year anniversary of all the new credit card restrictions.  Supposedly this is going to make the big, bad evil credit companies behave! Except.... things have only gotten worse.  Look, I know I don't even begin to understand all the rules and what's going on, but I do know that before all this mess I managed very well on my own.  Yes, I had a balance I was kicking myself about, but I was paying it off and the interest rate wasn't awful.  I'm not sure what it is now, it's something I need to do a little detective work and figure out, but things are getting stupid.  I paid off a credit card two weeks ago - or was it a week ago? Whatever! I paid it off, I'm so excited that I did! In another six months I'll have paid off another one and then it's time to tackle the black holes in my life; my two albatross birds.  However, credit rates and rules are going crazy.  I understand that in the long term this is supposed to be helpful, but right now it sucks and it's frustrating and I'd like nothing more than for it to all have never happened.

Next on the list.  Health care.  Excuse me Mr President, but we have a war going on.  Yes, I'm sure health care is very important, but in this economy, with a war going on, I think there are other things to worry about other than gouging me of every penny I have.  I'm literally dreading when we have to change insurance; seriously dreading it.  How much is it going to go up?  Will I be able to afford it?  What else is going to be up'd in price?

We're experiencing a terrible winter this year.  Tomorrow it's going to snow again and if we get the projected two inches of snow we'll have had the snowiest winter ever in Texas.  This means it's been cold here.  The winter is usually when I can get by with tiny heating bills and save up some extra money.  Not this year.  I'm paying as much, if not more than I did to cool my apartment.

I know I'm complaining, but all of these things are out of my control.  I can't exactly get the credit card companies attention, and if I could they wouldn't care.  The president doesn't care about little me, he's thinking about the country and the long-term plans.  And the weather sure as heck doesn't care!

Today is Monday, can't you tell?  I had a mostly sleepless weekend because of dreams and just not being able to stay asleep. I even went to bed early last night and I'm more exhausted today than I have been in a while.

Friday was loads of fun because I spent it with Amanda and we ate dinner with her family, saw Valentine's Day and got gellato at Piccomolo.  The down side was that a toddler ruined most of the movie and an older gentleman talked at us for almost an hour at Piccomolo.

I had a weird, terrible, horrible dream Friday night/Saturday morning that Amanda and I were kidnapped.  It was so bad that I text'd Amanda just to make sure she was okay....

Saturday was the writer's meeting - and we had a blast!  Might not be getting as much writing as I'd like to done at these, but they are so much fun!  I also found The God Engine, which I blogged about but have yet to read.

Sunday I went to church at my old professor's church, loved it, thinking I'll go back again.  After that I went to my parent's place and watched the Olympics with my dad and wrote. 

Tonight I hope to do some outlining work on some other projects and write a bit.  The end of Suspicion is so close! I can see it looming in the distance! ...and then I start Premonition.

Mostly, today's just a Monday and a blah one at that and I'm tired and whaaaaaaa~~~

So this recent onset of snow, snow and OMG MORE SNOW?!?!?!  left me with little to blog about because my face has been pressed against the glass watching these mysterious fluffy fat flakes of white stuff drift down from the sky.  This is Texas; we get anorexic pieces of hail and dare call it snow maybe once a year.  The last twenty-four-hours have provided a rare glimpse into what a real winter-wonderland is and the change on the landscape has been mystical - though it hasn't been without it's problems.  Had to cancel plans for the theater last night, wound up using my broom to literally sweep a foot of snow off my Jeep, and just getting out of the apartment complex was tricky simply because no one had been attempting it.  A silly person on the way into work decided to drive in all the turn lanes and then swerve in front of me several times; one time I was sliding because I was driving on snow and couldn't get traction to stop.  Idiot.  Oh well.  I drive a nice, big Jeep.  He would have been squashed had the light not turned green!

Okay, so Valentine's Day is coming up this weekend. I belatedly realized that I'm already planning on spending it with some of the most wonderful people I know; my parents.  We'll probably while away the afternoon just being in the same room, have dinner and then I'll go home, but it's what we do.  We aren't really an exciting family-time type of family, but they're my family and I love them.

I think that Valentine's Day doesn't really bother me - it's the people who feel that a day pledged to celebrating love is an excuse and a right to bemoan their singleness.  I think that's silly.  I think that people should really take advantage of V-Day and take the opportunity to tell people in their lives that you love them and that they're special.  Those are my thoughts.  There are more than a few people I'd like to tell them to stop being so selfish but I know it won't do any good.

I recently subscribed to John Scalzi's blog, Whatever.  I stumbled across his first chapter of his new book, God Engines. I read it. I need to read all of it. Why didn't I see this yesterday when I would have been at Borders? Boo! And here I am pleading to not buy any more books until I read a good chunk (5-10!!!! I promise!).  I'm grumbling about this decision but I'll stick to it for a little while longer.  I'm so intrigued by the idea behind the book that the first chapter reveals!  But I can wait.  I read Zeus yesterday, finished the Glass Castle last night, so now I want to read McKinley's Sherwood book and I'll probably go ahead and read Touch of Evil .... and then I have a whole shelf of stuff to pick from!

Ug. Blogger lost the last bit of my post.  So lets see.... I plan on writing some this weekend.  Surprise, surprise.  Get my bangs trimmed most likely.  Hopefully see The Lightning Thief and Wolfman.  And that's all I'm saying.

Whew! Okay, so a recap of Christmas and this weekend...GO!

Christmas was good; the roads by 10:30am had cleared and after a few miles of careful driving I cruised the rest of the way to my family's place at about 50-70 mph.  Not bad!  We had lunch since I missed breakfast, then opened presents and watched movies.  I have to say, I rock at gift giving; it's the best part of Christmas for me.  I have low expectations for the gifts I receive because it seems that even when I give my mother a list she gets stuff that's not on it and likes to ignore the bold, underlined, italicized and circled stuff.

I got what I wanted most: a new camera.  It's a Kodack, while I'm not crazy about, but I never said anything other than I wanted one and I'm just happy to have it! And it's blue!!!  Thanks to that, I will now proceed to document everything else with pictures.

I swung by my friend Amanda's place and played some games with her family Christmas night before going home and crashing.

Saturday I put together and figured out my presents.  First up was my laptop table.  I'm not sure how useful it's going to be, but I'm sure that it will be infinitely helpful for writing and stuff later on, just not to use at my couch.

I also got to enjoy my yearly chocolate pie my grandmother makes me. It's sort of one of the highlights of the season every year.


I watched The Muskateer as well during all of this and I think I've seen the whole thing before - but never all at once.  I seem to recall something about when it came out about the person who did all the fighting choreography did a big named oriental movie - which it was kinda obvious.  It was an alright movie, but if I'm going to watch a Three Musketeers movie, I'll take the '93 version please!

At some point all of this was done with and two of my friends came over and we all went to go see my life long friend, Levi Weaver, play at Ridglea Theater.  It was super fun because Jenny & Tyler opened for him and the other opening acts were all super good as well.  I felt bad because Levi was really sick and it was kinda obvious, but hopefully he gets better.  Here's some pictures!

I'm having one of those days where I just want to sit around and read and do nothing else; I'm even happily plugging away at the Book Club book - which is a Christmas book!!!!!!  I'll save my other comments for the book review.

I am slightly frustrated with myself;  I have yet to get Christmas cards out - I'm going to try for tomorrow since I also get paid tomorrow, which means I need to write and finish and print my letter today so I can write out all the addresses, most of which are still locked away in my phone as text messages.  I meant to be so much more on top of things this year! I rocked it last year.  Today will be putting the finishing touches on a terribly rambling mess of a letter I began yesterday and hopefully printing it out on the fancy holiday paper I bought at Target.

So again I could not hook up the Wii last night; I have a friend who is coming over tonight to help me with it and in preparation I want to go buy additional controllers and look at some games - though for now I'll probably just rent games.  I've invited some others, but I have no idea if anyone's actually going to show or not - I at least have some meat thawing though today is really one of those I - don't - want - to - cook days. 

I had a long conversation with my dad last night; he's such a funny bird.  He gets angry about everything and anything. Right now he's mad at my mother, and it was that reason he said NOTHING while we were all out at dinner because speaking during a conversation with her in the same restaurant - well that's just not acceptable! I think I've figured out why he's mad at her, but I already know she won't do anything about it and he's too stubborn to understand things if they aren't the way he wants them to be. Ug. I love my father. I love my mother. But I don't want to be like them.  Have you ever been that way?  Love someone, but want to be nothing like them?  My parents are both very autonomous people and it's almost like they clash more than they get along and it's so silly.  I couldn't live that way.  It's troubling to know about it, and feel like they both just need to sit down, talk about it and be okay - but know it'll never happen.  They'll just continue to run this circle and complain about eachother and so forth.

So I'm less excited about this next statement; I joined the Oprah Book Club today. (Now is it bad that I misspell Oprah regularly, or that spell check knows her name well enough to correct me?)  If you know me very well, you'll know I'm not a fan of hers, I think she holds far too much power and makes statements and decisions without many facts and affects far more people than she has a right to.  That said, she also does some very good things.  Now my main reasons for joining this book club are selfish and I'll let those out of the bag later on my Goals for 2010 blog - but if you want to find me over there, my screen name is CidWrites, because you HAD to have a sn with 6 characters.  I'll only use that blog to post my personal thoughts and reviews of the books, so don't expect much from that one.  I very well might regret even considering this....

It's Thursday, which means today is one of my designated writing days, yet I haven't written anything. I'm frustrated but still feeling slightly drained from November. I have ideas and goals that I plan on following up on, but I think it will be this weekend before I really write much of anything except rp posts - which are going really well.  I missed writing with my friends!

Books, talking about books - I just order Gail Carson Levine's Writing Magic book. She's the author of Ella Enchanted - of which I own the DVD, and have read the book.  Again, this is a purchase I'll explain with the Goals for 2010 blog that's stewing in my drafts, getting edits and additions and subtractions. 

I'm rather surprised at the lack of interesting bloggings this week; last week there was just so much stuff being blogged about that this week is a bit stark.  Not much worth sharing other than a few interesting articles I'm not going to bother to link.  I think that's it for now; I've had an aweful headache that after taking some medicine and eating lunch is going away so I'm sorry if the blog is a bit dull and boring today.

Wow, okay, so my parents came and visited me last night; other than my dad currently being upset with my mother over something unknown and not speaking the entire night - it was fun! If made slightly awkward by his silent, staring off into the distance, refusal to speak, presence.  My parents also bought me a Wii!  Now, I'd only said in half jest that I was going to buy one; they're rather expensive and once I really considered it I didn't think it was the best way to spend my money; with insurance going up 50% I need to cinch it in a bit.  But they bought me a Wii!! And I'm rather convinced I need someone else to put it together; I started trying to read the help guide for putting it together and got distracted by the bad grammar and started pondering writing things like the help manual to stuff....Yeah, never made it past the first page!  Hopefully tonight before the writing critique group I can get it together and feel successful!

I ran by Half Priced Books last night and found they had three Robin McKinley books; I'm sort of rediscovering her and going fangirl over them.  I now have The Blue Sword, The Outlaws of Sherwood, and Spindle's End.  I really want to read The Hero and the Crown first - so I believe my $10 B&N gift card will be going to getting that.  However, first I need to speed read the Fannie Flagg book, A Redbird Christmas, for my book club book. Arg! And I still have V for Vendetta to read, bought Watchmen because it was $7 and the comments on Writing Excuses actually made me curious.  And then I still have Foundation from Mercedes Lackey to read as well as the first book in a trilogy from Weiss and Hickman!!  *sigh*  I will probably go through the book club book first, then a McKinley book and slide V for Vendetta in then as I really do want to read it.  I will now be collecting the full roster of Robin McKinley books, I believe - so if you are in need of a Christmas present idea - go there!

Began discussing the Last Air Bender movie with some friends; I know the release date was pushed back because of the name stealing Avatar movie coming out this weekend, as well as the official name being changed.  I don't like Shameylanwhateverhisnameis - with the exception of The Village, which I really liked.  I've also only seen one Book of the Air Bender series, but it was good.  I've heard that the creators are collaborating over the making of the movie, but some of the casting looks questionable to me. I don't know, but it came up so I'm mentioning it in passing - Ha!

Today I signed away another chunk of my paycheck to pay for insurance - I never use.  Insurance was a drop in the bucket when I first got this job; I didn't have to pay hardly anything - now I'm paying a hefty sum.  Thanks Obama, thanks a lot. I wish I could just go without insurance; say screw it and throw caution to the wind.  It's really ridiculous how I hold a decent job, I don't spend an absurd amount of money, often less than I bring in, and I can hardly afford insurance.  I'm starting to rethink my big trip next fall to Georgia, that maybe it's not a good idea and I should do a staycation instead.  I know I stress too much over money, but it's because I'm not good with it - so I over compensate for my inability by being obsessive.  Yup. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  I'm thinking about picking up something else to bring in money on the side, like crafty things; people are always asking me to make them something so if I ask them to cover cost plus a little I'd make a little.  It's an idea and every little bit helps, right?

Bah - anyways - tonight was my first go at the critique group and it wasn't so bad. I took a very silly section from a short fairy tale I'm doing; I'm pushing myself to write in First Person and not over-explain everything.  I like it and the general response was very good and very encouraging.  I still need to finish it, but I'm actually excited about it and not dreading finishing it.

Anyways, I should sleep soon.

Oh my, time really goes by quickly, doesn't it?  Good grief, I've slept a lot the last few days.

I will not have time to finish this blog before 8am, so it'll be saved and edited later, but for now know I'm in the office pre-8am and actually, oh dear LORD! Reading all the blogs I have not for quite some time.  I found I missed an opportunity to enter a blog contest I would have otherwise have jumped at, but what can you do?  I did, however, find this intriguing contest EA is hosting for a book, Mentors, Muses and Monsters.  So I will be thinking about that like, tomorrow...or some day that does not fall in the parentheticals of November.

Also, The Inkwell Bookstore blog posted this today on the lists of 2009 I will have to pour over some other time.  As well as this post, from Ask a Literary Agent - where they discuss the length of a book for submission.  Yet more confirmation making the decision to cut my book in 1/3's is a great idea!

I got terribly little done on my NaNo novel during the holiday. I had anticipated having much more done and even finishing days ago and powering through to reach the end of Premonition...but I fear it will be the end of December by the time that is done and I can go back and revise Suspicion enough to show up at critique group and participate, and only THEN can I think about even starting to write Intuition AS I continue to revise.  I feel like drowning just thinking about it (not really, it's just before 8am, Monday morning.)

Oh well.  Thanksgiving was wonderful.  I wound up writing a ton Wednesday and then little bits of drivel here and there over the last few days.  Thanksgiving Thursday I went to my parents house, walked in the door and was immediately given the task of creating a Turkey from a squash, a pear,bits of cheese, bell pepper, grapes and skewers. I still swear it looks more like a Doxin than a Turkey - but what do I know? I only have Chinchillas.  (I find it obnoxious that after spell-checking Doxin and googling it to make sure I knew what I was talking about, I still get the red line under the word.)  For lack of anything else to do and too many distractions to write I laid down on the couch to stare blankly at men in spandex tackling each other......and fell asleep for about three hours.  Yes. Three hours.  My grandmothers left and didn't even say goodbye.  I left later that night and went home; I think I tried writing - and went to sleep fairly early.


Friday I braved the craziness of the mall and went shopping. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I'd feared and I actually got most of my shopping done.  WalMart was pretty much completely deserted and I got to shop without wishing ill on any one - except I was more than a little creeped out by the guy who walked up to me and grabbed my arm while I was deciding whether or not to give canned potatoes another shot or not.  See, I go grocery shopping with my iPod, I find it makes the whole experience much more enjoyable - except if anyone speaks to me and I don't see them - I don't hear them.  So this guy just reaches out and helps himself to examining my arm.  Wound up having a lovely conversation with him, but the beginnings were strange.  I also dyed my hair Friday; I had too many colors going as it was so now it's a semi-even black cherry color that over my brown hair will fade to a reddish brown, very unnatural color in time.  For now it just looks sort of ambiguously purple.  I'm okay with that. I'm also going to have to realize my hair is long enough I will need two bottles of dye from here on out if I do this myself.  I know I did more things Friday; I think there was baking involved and going to Cassy's house....


Saturday I slept in.  I did a lot of sleeping until 10 or even noon these last few days - and going to bed before midnight!  I did writing; not enough really and truely.  And then went to my bestfriends surprise birthday party.  Her family had one planned jointly for her, her sisters' fiance and her other sisters' husband but because of pre-surgery stuff she could not attend and knowing very well it would hurt her feelings they planned this one in advance, but just didn't tell her.  It was great.  She's not the kind to suspect anything at all! It was a really fun evening - however I learned AGAIN that I really stink at playing Chicken Foot.


Sunday I had planned to spend powering through the last 7K to finish my NaNoWriMo novel, but opened my NaNoMail to find yet another hate mail message, which after reading four words I deleted.  I twittered about it again and some other people picked up on it and unlike before when I mentioned the previous two I've gotten ML's got involved and now I realize that instead of deleting them I should have handed them over.  Oh well.  It did throw me into a funk for the rest of the day.  I wrote terribly and hardly anything so my friend Kyle coming over was a welcomed break.

We got soup at Panera and came home via Half Priced Books looking for cheap Christmas movies - which I did not find. I did, however, find a copy of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta and Watchmen, which I've wanted to read.  Not so much Watchmen except his characterization and setting are supposed to be fantastic.  We'll see if I finish reading it.  Completed last night putting up my Christmas tree and hanging ornaments around my apartment since this year the bottom quarter of the tree is not getting decorated nor the backside.  The goal for this Christmas is to get a tree topper.  I was just happy to have a tree and ornaments I liked last year that I just didn't bother with a topper.  I'd like one this year!


Thankfully once everyone left I did get a lot written last night before copping out at midnight and crawling into bed.  Today I need to write 3K to reach my own, personal goal. I can do this!!!

Also looking forward to a two-day work week this week!

Okay, so my last blog was like, terrible and I was so grouchy that day for a lot of different reasons and I know better than to really post stuff when I'm like that so - I'm sorry.

On to better news!!!!!

Robin McKinley's pep-talk was sent out while I was sleeping!!!  OMG I'm so happy.  I really liked it too; she talked about how she realized a book she was working on should really be two books, which is where I'm at only it's three.  I really liked it, and it was a great read for me right now  ^__^ 

I made the decision yesterday that my NaNoWriMo novel really will be split into three, light volumes.  I'm thinking the set will be called The Barking Dog, because I'm attached to the symbolism behind that, and then yesterday the individual names for the books just fell into my lap; Suspicion, Premonition, and Intuition.  They fit, I think, I really like it so yes. 

Yesterday I was like giddy hyper, so I didn't blog because I couldn't sit still long enough to pull words out of the air.  I didn't even START writing yesterday until about 5pm when I did a word-war with the @NaNoWordSprints on Twitter.  I cranked out words pretty easily yesterday like that just because it was like I was on Speed all day; I still sort of feel a bit jittery like that but much more manageable today.  I'm hoping to reach 5K early this evening so I can run over and hang out with my friend who had surgery Monday before the Thanksgiving crazies eat us all.

I fully intend to latch onto the open days to write over the holiday and crank out the end of Premonition and if I can get started into Intuition I will.  Unfortunately I think all I can hope for is a rough draft of Suspicion and Premonition in November; Intuition will probably be what I crank out in December during my vacation time.  That is my goal...

Thanksgiving!  Right.  Tomorrow I'll pull myself out of bed semi-early and trek to my parents house and set up my laptop there and crank out words and talk to my mom and ignore whatever football stuff is on tv.  Holidays are a small thing with our family; at most it will be my parents, my Mamaw and possibly my Grandmother - and that's it.  No pressure, nice relaxing day - I hope.  I'll come home in the evening and actually go to bed - because it'll be Black Friday!

The one and only reason I will be getting up early on Friday - to be at Half Priced Books at 7am to attempt for the gift cards they are giving out to their first customers of the day.  I might try to meander into Best Buy to drool at the notebook I want but that's not for sure; I will probably drive by and gauge if I go in by the amount of cars in the parking lot.  Yup!

I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything except my now building interest to write on my novel.  The pep-talk has me with the itch to write!!!