Seriously.

Today was the first real day of the detox.  It's also been over 24 hours since I've had real sugar.  Unfortunately because of those two things I have splurged on an extra Dr Pepper.  Can't be perfect, right?  The detox will last about two weeks.  The problem I'm having right now is that it's making me hungry.

Today was also Dentist Day.  I'm not sure if it's just what the poking does to me, but I seem to always get a migraine after going there.

In completely unrelated news, I bought a pink shirt. I'm a little nervous about this. I haven't worn pink in ages.

I didn't blog about this, partly because it was a little embarrassing and I didn't feel like it at the time.  Several weeks, maybe a month or two ago, both of my f-a-v-o-r-i-t-e pair of jeans ripped.  I'd owned them for two years, they were wearing really thin, and for $20 jeans from Target they had served me well.  Desperate for jeans for something going on that weekend, I ran into Target, found my size and my *'fit' - and bought them.  Ran home, pulled them on... and panicked.

Yes, I knew I'd lost a little weight. 

Just a little. 

Not enough to give me dreams of being teeny tiny, but enough to make a girl look in the mirror and think, Oh I can do this!

But there was no way I'd lost enough weight to make these jeans literally drop off of my hips.  In the end I had to actually roll the jeans so that they were tight enough to not slip down.  I haven't gone to buy more jeans because 1) lazy, 2) I'd kinda hoped to drop a few more pounds and celebrate with nicely fitting jeans.

I'd kinda decided this last week that my jean situation was redonkulous and I just needed to go shell out $25 for a pair of jeans that don't threaten to expose me.  I'll spare you the shopping play by play, but for kicks I went and grabbed different sizes and fits of jeans.  I compared the exact same size of what I was looking at to what I was wearing.  I should have taken a picture.  There were four inches of difference.  My X size jeans have to have been mis-marked by about four sizes.

Anyways, Target is my weak spot for shopping right now.  I'm addicted to their 'boyfriend' cut shirts, super soft t's in tons of colors.

In other news, I bought some artificial sugar today in the hopes of substituting it in my tea.  I'm sure I'll have a product review or rant later.  Now, off to dye my hair 5th Element Red!

*Target has an amazing system of fits, 1 through 6, that allows you to chose super low waist to natural waist, straight through the thighs or curvy to get the 'just right' fit for you.  Really the system is awesome.

In the last week I've had no fewer than six people contact me about roller derby.  A vendor from work came by my office to give me a magazine that featured local roller derby.  Several repeat clients have commented about the leagues moving around, and a few people I talk to occasionally.

Is this the world telling me something?

#fatespeaks

This last week was almost a comedy of mishaps between my friend and I trying to hit up a certain tattoo shop when they were open.  Both of us hate calling and talking on the phone, so the logical course of action hasn't happened - yet.

I was surprised that I still feel anxious, or maybe it's just nerves, when a new tattoo is imminent.

It's probably something like an addiction.  Part of the ink of a tattoo is a certain kind of oil.  That oil does eventually seep into the bloodstream and if you get tattooed enough you do have a mild addiction.  It's what causes that euphoria when you step into a tattoo shop, when you just want another tattoo.  I seem to do okay with it.  If I go into a shop, heck yes I want another one, but I don't have to have it.

Right now my time table is every two to three years I get more.  May will be my two years, so it makes sense that I'm starting to think about adding to my collection.  I really want to do my left arm, but it's going to cost somewhere around $500 and I don't have those resources right now because I have to buy new tires soon, contacts in a few months, the inspection on the Jeep - ug!  It adds up, this whole being an adult thing.

Anyways, I'm going to push my friend and look into making plans sometime either this month or next.  Tattoos aren't something you should rush.  And now, I'm off to write and be writerly.  I think, that if I ever sell a book, I'd get a tattoo to celebrate.

I've been emailing with an old friend and during the conversation we started discussing tattoos. Not an abnormal event, people often come to me to discuss these things and I normally don't mind. 

But a weird thing happened during this conversation.

While it wasn't a direct result of what was being said, I had this thought in my head that I was sorry I'd ever gotten a tattoo.

What. The. Heck?

Long ago, when I first fell in love with the first in a long line of tattoo'd rock stars, I decided that when I got tattoo'd, because I would, mine would mean something.  They would be personal, and a part of me.  I've always loved my tattoos, I've never minded the attention, and except for one instance* I've never allowed people to make me feel less for simply having rainbow colored skin.

Something's happened recently that has made me feel self conscious about my skin.  Probably some of it has to do with my weight, which I'm working on, but another part of it I think is that I'm now the black sheep.  Before, there were always people around me with tattoos.  When I did audio, there were tons of people with tattoos.  When I was in derby, the minority went without them.  But now, most of the people I'm around have naked skin.  There's nothing wrong with this!  I'm just wondering if it's effected my personal outlook on myself.

After some introspective time, I've come to the conclusion that I still like my tattoos.  Yes, my life would be easier were my skin not inked.  I wouldn't crave a tattoo.  I wouldn't have to bother with covering them up for certain occasions.  In general, life is easier without them.  But they're part of who I am, and my friends, people who love me, etc accept them and me.

During conversations, another point was brought up.  I haven't dated recently - at all.  I got fed up after a few bad dates and haven't paid attention to the opposite sex.  My tattoos play a part in who I date.  Not going to lie, a lot of guys will say a girl with tattoos is hot, but secretly we intimidate them.  I'm a strong personality, and I know dating me is hard.  I'm me and no matter how much I like someone, there are just parts of me that won't change.  The kind of guys that would put up with me are few and far between, and they're weeded out a lot of times by the tattoos.

I still plan on doing my left arm and finishing my back.  Someday I'd like to find someone who loves me and my tattoos.  I will always caution people who want to get tattoos to think seriously about them before.  Most people end up regretting their tattoos.  Some day I might regret mine.  Today isn't that day.  Mostly I'm writing this to say that sometimes, you have to find yourself again.

*The one instance when someone made me actually feel crappy for having tattoos was when a complete stranger walked up to me and said, "Oh my, why would you ever get tattoos?  You'll never be a beautiful bride."

I'm beginning to compile a list of places I want to visit when I go to Paris.  I'm still a little overwhelmed at the idea of coordinating everything on my own and the idea of being alone is starting to really sink in - but I'm still excited.  So here's a quick rundown of the places I want to visit:

• Catacombs - The underground passageways where the bodies of the dead were interred when the cemeteries began to overflow.
• The Louvre - Art. I'll probably devote an entire day just to this.
• Cathedrals: Sainte-Chapelle, Englise de la Madeleine, Notre-Dame - When I visited Russia my favorite places were always the cathedrals.  I'd love to find a cathedral tour of Paris and spend a whole day going from cathedral to cathedral.
• Castles/Chateaus: Versailles, Vincennes Chateau, Champs-sur-Marne Chateau, Chateau de Maisons-Laffitte - If I'm going to Paris, I should see a castle or a palace or something, right?  These are all within the Paris 'area', and if I take a train I can go see even more, but there are only so many opulent castle like places I think I can see.
• The Paris Opera - I doubt I'll see anything at the opera, but I'd still like to see the building, which is supposed to be fab.
• Arc de Triomphe - The famous arch, also the place of the Unknown Soldier.
• Basilica de Sacre Coeur - I'm not 100% sure what it is, but it's big and pretty and touted as a must see place so I'll probably do an evening tour of it one day.

I actually don't care a whole lot about seeing the Eiffle Tower.  I'd be happy walking past it and snapping a few pictures.

And I'd like to just go shopping some.  Find a little open air souvenir market and shop for chintzy stuff I don't need!

The actual PBP Ride takes place from the 21st to the 25th.  This means that my mother and I will have four days prior to the race I think to sight see together and do things with the cycling group.  The 21st will be all about the evening start, so we'll probably stick close to the area and rest.  I would imagine that if I can get a wifi signal I will be online and blogging and uploading pictures.  From the 22nd to the 25th I'm on my own.  During those days I'll be doing most of the above.  My mom's not much for sight seeing so what I want to see I'd better see while she's cycling her buns off!  The 26th my mom will most likely be catatonic so I'll probably stick close to her.  We'll then have two days to sight see and recover from the race.  We've discussed going down to Normandy beach, so we'll see how that goes.

[Edit: Below are places people have suggested that I'm adding.]

• Musee d'Orsay - more art stuff

I remember the first time I had heartburn acutely.

I was living alone for the first time, and playing roller derby.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a painful, firelike feeling in my chest that was not passion, ardor or anything pleasant.  It hurt.  A lot.  I thought I might be in serious trouble.  Maybe I'd fallen wrong and had one of those injuries that take a while to pop up.  It was the early hours of the morning and while I was in physical pain, it wasn't unbearable.  I decided to google my symptoms and see if I could self-diagnose to either decide if I merited an emergency room visit or if I could wait and make an appointment.

After reading and rereading I decided I might have heartburn.  Since my dad pops antacids like candy, my mom had stocked my medicine cabinet to supply a small drug cartel I dug out some antacids, chewed the chalky pills and sat on my couch watching Bravo until - the pain went away.

Traumatized, I dreaded having heartburn ever again.

I'm sharing this memory because I woke up Sunday morning with heartburn.  I thought I was sick to my stomach.  I thought I was about to throw up, except I also felt like someone was driving a hot poker through my chest.  I decided I might have heartburn.  So again I relied on those antacids my mother stocked me with - and after a few minutes checking twitter I was ready to go back to bed.

So there's a funny story for you.  Now I'm going to schedule this and go to bed!

Okay, so it was really booked like a week or two ago, but I also had to do some things like take new passport and visa pictures and it really hadn't sunk in yet.  It's slowly beginning to be real in my head that I'm going to Paris.  OMG!

I'll be gone from August 15th to the 28th and I'm planning on having pretty much just a backpack with me, borrowing my dad's netbook, my ereader and a camera.  My mom will be participating in the annual Paris-Brest-Paris cycling tour that covers 1,200 kilometers and lots of mountains and climbing.

The details are few and far between right now, but I'm really looking forward to it!

Okay, well I wasn't really sure if I was going to do anything for National Craft Month, but I had a spark of genious earlier today.

First, I'm going to be doing crafty posts for writers over on my Cid Tyer wordpress blog, which will go up on Thursdays through the end of the month.  This is in addition to my monthly topical blogging series.

Second, I started a new knitting project!  I also figured out what's been going wrong with my cast on's.  I do a long tail, or continental cast on for my projects.  Despite following along with youtube tutorials, for the last two or three years I've been knitting I've been casting on all wrong!  On the second pass through the yarn looped around the thumb, instead of passing through the loop, I have been coming back up under the loop.  Thus, when I would knit I would end up knitting three strands of yarn together as one stitch to make up for all the extra yarn.  no friggen wonder all of my first rows have always looked so sloppy!

I figured this out last night while I started my bandanna/shawl project.  I'm using a ravelry pattern called 22.5 Degrees that's sort of plain, as far as shawls go - but I like it!.  No fancy panels or weavy wavy stuff - because I can't really figure that stuff out yet!  I'll take pictures later.  For now I just wanted to check in!

 Dude, I think I knew this from last year, but I totally forgot - and now it's here again. Yikes!  This makes me want to do more crafty things this month.  I'm thinking about it - and there's at least two knitting projects I want finished and another Super Seekrit crafty project I want to do.  Hurray!

One project I would like to do, I don't know if I'll have enough time, but my mother's birthday is the 20th of March.  It's a Sunday.  I'd like to maybe knit her a set of dish clothes or something.

Huh, I totally should have held off creating my writer's space until March officially set in - that would have been an awesome project to ascribe to the month!

Earlier today I saw this shocking post on tumblr from thedailywhat about a Baptist Church that pickets soldier's funerals.  This isn't the first time that I've seen this issue come up.  This church has been at this song and dance for a while and each time I see something about them it gets me angry.

The Kansas based church pickets the funerals of soldiers, most of them have died in service to the country though some (from what I've read/seen) have also been veterans.  They picket to protest gay rights. 

They aren't picketing against the war, they're picketing about gay rights.

Before I even touch on why their actions make me angry - the correlation between the war and gay rights just doesn't make sense to me.  In responce to why they would picket funerals, the pastor replied:

"When the whole country is given over to sodomy and sodomite enablers ... the country needs this preaching."

There seems to be a disconnect of logic here.  Yes, preaching.  As a Christian - I agree with that.  However, I cannot nor would I ever approve of the method by which they go about fulfilling what could be an educational discourse of [insert positive topic].

Picketing a soldier's funeral, disrespecting the families of those who are having to say goodbye to a loved one is just cruel.  How does an act like that spread Christ?  What if those people saying goodbye to their child or sibling or parent are Christians?  How does that create a loving community of believers?  How does that win people over to your cause?

Alienating people and hurting them is not the way to have a positive discourse and convince them your way of thinking is right.  It's actually the opposite.

I know that a lot of people have and will take issue with my opinions on gay rights, and that by stating them publicly will probably mean that I'll never be certified as a pastor, but this is what I believe:

1. Religiously - from what I've researched, I cannot in good faith say that my doctrine supports homosexual relationships.
2. Politically - it's none of my damn business who you marry or what you do.

I've known gay people.  I have friends who are gay.  Heck, I've even written gay characters!  I have nothing wrong with people who ascribe to a different sexuality than what I think is 'right'.  I would never, ever dream of telling a person they were 'wrong'.  I think that since we have a separation of church and state and marriage is more like a legal contract, a joining of two functioning parts of the society machine, you should be able to marry whoever you want, and thumb your nose at anyone who says otherwise.  Yes, that's a very unpopular opinion for me to have in my conservative Christian circles, but it's what I think. 

Religiously, I have to stand by the historical-cultural context of homosexuality in the Old Testament.  I researched this because when I was in college the idea that there was an exclusion based on something as silly as sexual preference just didn't and in a lot of ways still doesn't make sense to me.  After researching it, I have to stand by the religious decision that God frowns on homosexuality.  I don't know what that translates to beyond death, I don't know if it's a deal-breaker for God, I'm just not the authority to say one way or the other.

(As a side note - if you really want to point out the OT talking about tattoos, before you do - go do some research please and then we can talk.)

After reading different articles on the picketing on CNN and NPR I'm angry and ashamed to be lumped with people who would picket soldiers funerals like that.  I'm a Christian, yes, I won't apologize for that.  I've always ascribed to a Love God, Love People mantra.  At times I know I fail, but it just boggles my mind that people who say they believe in Jesus would do something so hurtful and purposefully malicious.

I went to the Westboro Baptist Church website for all of fifteen seconds before I was too shocked and disturbed to continue reading.  They plan on picketing the school of a child who shot her mother in the head - because the child was sent by God to punish her mother.  How is this a "Christian" message?  It isn't.  The God they say is so hateful isn't the God I know.