This last week was almost a comedy of mishaps between my friend and I trying to hit up a certain tattoo shop when they were open.  Both of us hate calling and talking on the phone, so the logical course of action hasn't happened - yet.

I was surprised that I still feel anxious, or maybe it's just nerves, when a new tattoo is imminent.

It's probably something like an addiction.  Part of the ink of a tattoo is a certain kind of oil.  That oil does eventually seep into the bloodstream and if you get tattooed enough you do have a mild addiction.  It's what causes that euphoria when you step into a tattoo shop, when you just want another tattoo.  I seem to do okay with it.  If I go into a shop, heck yes I want another one, but I don't have to have it.

Right now my time table is every two to three years I get more.  May will be my two years, so it makes sense that I'm starting to think about adding to my collection.  I really want to do my left arm, but it's going to cost somewhere around $500 and I don't have those resources right now because I have to buy new tires soon, contacts in a few months, the inspection on the Jeep - ug!  It adds up, this whole being an adult thing.

Anyways, I'm going to push my friend and look into making plans sometime either this month or next.  Tattoos aren't something you should rush.  And now, I'm off to write and be writerly.  I think, that if I ever sell a book, I'd get a tattoo to celebrate.

I've been emailing with an old friend and during the conversation we started discussing tattoos. Not an abnormal event, people often come to me to discuss these things and I normally don't mind. 

But a weird thing happened during this conversation.

While it wasn't a direct result of what was being said, I had this thought in my head that I was sorry I'd ever gotten a tattoo.

What. The. Heck?

Long ago, when I first fell in love with the first in a long line of tattoo'd rock stars, I decided that when I got tattoo'd, because I would, mine would mean something.  They would be personal, and a part of me.  I've always loved my tattoos, I've never minded the attention, and except for one instance* I've never allowed people to make me feel less for simply having rainbow colored skin.

Something's happened recently that has made me feel self conscious about my skin.  Probably some of it has to do with my weight, which I'm working on, but another part of it I think is that I'm now the black sheep.  Before, there were always people around me with tattoos.  When I did audio, there were tons of people with tattoos.  When I was in derby, the minority went without them.  But now, most of the people I'm around have naked skin.  There's nothing wrong with this!  I'm just wondering if it's effected my personal outlook on myself.

After some introspective time, I've come to the conclusion that I still like my tattoos.  Yes, my life would be easier were my skin not inked.  I wouldn't crave a tattoo.  I wouldn't have to bother with covering them up for certain occasions.  In general, life is easier without them.  But they're part of who I am, and my friends, people who love me, etc accept them and me.

During conversations, another point was brought up.  I haven't dated recently - at all.  I got fed up after a few bad dates and haven't paid attention to the opposite sex.  My tattoos play a part in who I date.  Not going to lie, a lot of guys will say a girl with tattoos is hot, but secretly we intimidate them.  I'm a strong personality, and I know dating me is hard.  I'm me and no matter how much I like someone, there are just parts of me that won't change.  The kind of guys that would put up with me are few and far between, and they're weeded out a lot of times by the tattoos.

I still plan on doing my left arm and finishing my back.  Someday I'd like to find someone who loves me and my tattoos.  I will always caution people who want to get tattoos to think seriously about them before.  Most people end up regretting their tattoos.  Some day I might regret mine.  Today isn't that day.  Mostly I'm writing this to say that sometimes, you have to find yourself again.

*The one instance when someone made me actually feel crappy for having tattoos was when a complete stranger walked up to me and said, "Oh my, why would you ever get tattoos?  You'll never be a beautiful bride."