Well, not really.  Sort of.  I'm blogging because um, I seem to have the bug right now and I haven't blogged about my attempt to lose weight recently.  I switched over to using LoseIt.com because it does a better job of tracking calories and stuff than I do, it's also not as time consuming.  What is difficult is not being able to tally up the fat grams.

Right now I eat around 1,200 calories a day, on averate.  Technically I'm "allowed" 1,800 and on some days I do.  Must most I don't.  Most days I don't even consume all of my alloted fat grams per day.

I've gone back to belly dancing, once a week.

I do half hour walks fairly often.  I can read and walk which is helpful.

And I've only succeeded in losing a very small amount of weight.  It's not even worth saying.  It's depressing.  So, I'm thinking that in the coming weeks I should do a few things.

1. Cut back on Dr Pepper.  Not cut it out, but cutting back.  I'm transitioning from drinking a full can, to one of those 100 calorie cans.  Smaller portion, still get a little caffine kick in my day.
2. Carbs.  I have a suspicion that this is a big culprit in my life.  I eat oatmeal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and then there's dinner which is sometimes just a repeat of lunch.  That's a lot of carbs.  And this last week was like a carb induced coma between the bagels, pizza and donuts.
3. Try to exercise more.  More walking, which will mean more reading, but I'm okay with that.

If I don't see an improvement after a month, I think I'm going to go see the doctor I saw when I hurt my hand.  Maybe I've developed allergies to something or some other really weird something that's preventing me from losing even a little bit more weight.

I'm adjusting to the 1800 calories a day fairly easy.  I'm losing weight, according to the scale, but slowly.  It's more steady than a huge drop which is good.  The only problem I'm having is that I have been hungry late, like near when I go to bed.  I think I should start getting baby carrots and sugar snap peas to serve as snack foods.  The only bad thing is that when I'm reading I can and will demolish a whole bag full before I realize what I've done.

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1400

Lunch

• Slim Sandwich from Jimmy Johns
• Total: 220 calories - 19 grams of fat  
• (I don't know if I believe their website that it's only 220 calories...)
• daily calories remaining: 1,180

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining:  1030

Dinner

• Spinach gnocchi, lean ground beef and avocado pesto
• Total: um, probably more than I should eat!

It's 2011 and I'm getting back on track with my whole eating right thing.

The first weekend of the year has been spent - at home.  I'm slightly constrained as far as cash is concerned.  So, I'm focusing on doing stuff.

Saturday I spent mostly in bed.  Because the new mattress, plus the bed set equals the place I want to be.  Uber comfy!  I did the final revisions on my novella and handed it over to my critique partners and then settled in to finish Dr Who to bring me up to pace.  Yea!  Now, I'm starting Torchwood, which is a spin-off of Dr Who that focuses on Captain Jack and some sort of paranormal services in the UK.  I'll probably have more to say about this tomorrow when I update the blog.  So, until tomorrow!

Sunday I finished Torchwood, knitted, cleaned and read Flip this Zombie and half of Frostfire - both books are out January 11th.  I'll finish Frostfire as soon as I get home.  :)

Saturday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1400

Lunch

• slept through lunch
• Total: 0 calories - 0 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1400

Snacks

• 3 x Dr Pepper - 550 calories
• mini Reeses Peanut butter cups
• daily calories remaining:  850

Dinner

• Chicken sandwich
• Total: 600? calories - 19? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 250

Sunday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1400

Lunch

• Chicken sandwich
• Total: 600? calories - 19? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 800

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining: 650

Dinner

• Apple
• Total: 120 calories - 0 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 530

Not even going to lie.  Yesterday was a display in failure.  I decided against going grocery shopping on Sunday because someone gave me an unreleased book I just had to read the instant it hit my in-box (oh how I love my ereader!).  So that left me sans food for lunch and breakfast and pretty much dinner too.  So yesterday I had triscuits and a granola bar for lunch, the appetizer to the dinner I had to go buy at the grocery store was a sausage biscuit, but dinner was my prescribed plan fitting sandwich and my late night snack I shouldn't have had was apples.  Today I will be better!  Why?  Um, because I went grocery shopping, that's why.

Last night I *started* wrapping presents.  I hate wrapping.  I've decided that next year, everyone will be getting either one HUGE box with everything tossed in it, or I'm going to spend a small fortune on bags.  Wrapping is a pain in the butt when you have to sit on the floor and do it!  The things I wish I would have known before I bought a fashionably different dining set.  Ah well. 

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Yogurt - 100 calories - unknown fat content
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:668

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Apples - lots of them - 240 calories
• daily calories remaining:839

Dinner

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 428

Today is going to be a sucktascular day for watching those calories/fat grams.  First, I'm out of appropriate breakfasty items - but I'm not really hungry anyways and it's almost lunch time.  Second, I'm going shopping for more presents and then there's a party tonight so I very much doubt I'll be in the know of everything I eat or drink.  But you know what?  Days like this are okay.  No one can keep to a strict regime every single day of their lives; it would get uber boring!  I'm going to try to keep track of at least how much I eat, make smart choices, and eat things in moderation.  I can always be good tomorrow.  :D

What I'm finding really helpful are the number of places that have their nutritional information up on websites.  I've been able to rule out going to Pot Belly's for my skinny Italian sandwich because 32 grams of fat?  Um, no! But! My favorite sandwich at Quiznoes is exactly in my plan.

Okay, the only thing that went 'right' Saturday as far as my eating habits went was Quiznos. 

Saturday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• Nothing
• daily calories remaining: 1800

Lunch

• Quiznoes Chicken Carbonara regular on wheat - 350 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1450

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Pomegranate drink - 130 calories
• daily calories remaining:1170

Dinner

• snack foods @ Dakota's place - God only knows how many calories!
• 2 Dr Peppers - 300 calories
• Total: who knows? calories - who knows? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:

 Sunday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• Nothing
• daily calories remaining: 1800

Lunch

• Frozen pizza -  calories - 20 grams of fat
  
• daily calories remaining:

Snacks

• Reeses Mini Peanut Butter Cups - 220 calories - 13 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:1170
  

Dinner

• Frozen pizza - calories - 20 grams of fat
• Total: who knows? calories - who knows? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:

Okay, so today was a day about refusing temptation - and choosing wisely.  I could have had pizza for lunch.  PIZZA!  But I said no, I ate my sammitch for lunch.  I've taken to drinking my Dr Pepper in the middle of the afternoon, which has been working well.  Serves as kind of an afternoon pick-me-up. 

What I found mildly exciting this evening was that according to my scale I'm 4 pounds lighter than I was four days ago.  It's not something I'm going to hold onto.  I think that in a week if I'm still missing this 4 pounds then I'll accept it as fact.  Not until them really.

I did decide that since it's Friday night, and I've been such a 'good girl' I would indulge in some Chickfila.  The nuggets fit in fine with my plan, but it's the fries that just kill things.  I got the "small" combo and I'm drinking more water and tea than Dr Pepper.  It's all about making smart choices, right?

Next up - Dr Who and knitting!!!!!

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• chickfila 
• nuggets - 270 calories - 12 grams of fat
• waffle fries (small) - 290 calories - 16 grams of fat
• Total: 560 calories - 28 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 519

Is it too early to say that I'm proud of myself for lasting three full days?

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• sandwich
• chicken - 120 calories - 5 grams of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• Total: 340 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 739 calories

Okay, so I uber failed this morning on remembering to take supplements.  I completely forgot.  But, the food eating is okay.  I'm hungry, like wow hungry, but lunch is in an hour and a half so, here's hoping I last that long!  :)

So far my biggest want is Dr Pepper.  It's almost 9pm and OMG I WANT A FRIGGEN DR PEPPER!  I might cave.

The thing that I have problems remembering is to take my supplements.  It's almost 9pm and I have yet to take one.  Ug.  Maybe I'll remember better tomorrow?

Good news, I did go to bellydancing class tonight!

Calorie / Fat Journal
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Triscuits - 65 calories - 3 grams of fat
• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining:  1014

Dinner

• sandwich
• chicken - 120 calories - 5 grams of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• Total: 340 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 674 calories

First off, if me referring to this as my 'Fatty Journal' offends you, I apologize.  I don't mean to be offensive, but it helps me to handle difficult things by making light of them.  Thus, why this is my Fatty Journey.

This morning began with a well intentioned 6am alarm to get myself up and exercising for a bit before the day really began.  I failed.  Miserably.  I pressed snooze for an hour at least and then had to scramble to get ready and count out my calories.  Today I made the effort to dress 'cute'.  I've been feeling far from cute lately and I decided that I need to put the effort out there to dress up my appearance.  If I dress like I want to feel, it will make a difference, right?

So calorie counting.  I had a heartbreaking realization when I was figuring out my calorie/fat allowance.  My favorite winter breakfast item, the sausage biscuit, is way over my calorie/fat daily intake allowance.  By like, a lot!  I had a few moments to lament the loss.  Maybe on the weekends I'll do a little splurge and treat myself to one, but as a daily thing I have to drop it.  And then I had to juggle my lunch because based on my mealtime fat allowance I was over.  It was an easy fix; drop back to one piece of cheese from two, but it took actually looking at it.  Counting calories and fat grams, this is work.  This is going to be tough, but hopefully keeping myself accountable by blogging will help me remember to keep track.

Dr Pepper is one of my big weaknesses.  I'm going to try to cut back; I know that I can't quit drinking them, at least not cold turkey and I don't really want to.  Moderation is the key I think.  Maybe I'll try to relegate Dr Pepper to special reward status or something instead of a lunch time staple.

I'm updating this blog through the day.  Mostly it gives me a place to vent and worry and whine.  Like right now - for the last fifteen minutes I've been trying to figure out if I'm hungry, or if I just want to be hungry.  Being hungry would give me an excuse to go raid the kitchen, but I don't really think I'm hungry.  At least I don't really need to eat anything.  I think I just want an excuse to get away from my desk.

FYI I lasted until all of 2pm without a Dr Pepper.  Also, building Christmas party was too tempting to pass up.  I got a little square thinggy of cake and retreated to my ivory tower office without any more damage done.

Dinner was hard.  I wasn't hungry in the slightest, so I picked up my stuff and ran with it.  We had a book signing to attend tonight (tons of fun, book-addicts.com update to come!) and dinner didn't happen until around 10pm at IHOP.  I resisted the call of pancakes in favor of a 'smart choices' grilled chicken sandwich.  Go me.

Calorie / Fat Journal
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• vanilla creamer x 2 - 60 calories - 3 grams of fat
• Total: 220 calories - 5 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1580

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1169

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Cake Square Thing - Assuming 100 calories
• Izzy - 90 calories
• daily calories remaining: 829 calories

Dinner

• chicken sandwich, IHOP - 600 calories 
• daily calories remaining:  229

Go me!

Recently I've come to realize how much weight I've gained in the last two years.  It's substantial.  Enough that I'm often just uncomfortable because of my weight.  So, tonight after stepping on the scale and having a few moments where I hyperventilated and freaked out, I decided that I needed to do something about this.  It's within my power to do stuff; I can change what I eat, make time to work out and I should do that now when I'm in my 20's instead of ten, twenty years down the line when my heath is poor and I'm miserable.

So, I'm going to be making an effort to eat healthier - which means no burgers, fries, and especially chickfila.  I'm cutting down on my Dr Pepper; I'm going to make an effort to drink more water.  I'm going to look into what it costs to join the gym in the building where I work.  I'm going back to bellydance classes.

I can do this, I just have to remember that I want to.