P e r s o n a l B l o g/T w i t t e r . : : . W r i t i n g B l o g/T w i t t e r

Pseudo Loneliness?

I spent the entire weekend around people.  Saturday I did family things all day long.  Sunday I went shopping.  I was around people.  I was with family and friends and I had a great time.

Today I'm having social withdrawl.

While sitting at work I started throwing myself a little lonely person pity party.  After an exchange with an old college friend I was feeling a little blue, and truth be told a little jealous of how their life has turned out.  I'm in my mid-20's, single, not working in a field I am educated in, and lets face it: I'm different.

I started in on the whole, no-one-gets-me, blues.  Truth is almost everyone wants to be feel some human connection.  We want to know and be known.  Why do you think social media is so popular?  It lets us connect with people when we may not be able to overcome social phobias or shyness.

The truth is that we all think we're special.  We think we're the only ones who feel disconnected or alone or [insert state of being here].  The truth is that we all feel those things.  I do.  You do.  Your neighbor probably does as well. 

How do you solve or combat this feeling of loneliness or feeling like you don't belong?  Reach out to someone and connect.  People don't know you need them unless you let them know.  I do my best as a friend to reach out when I can, but I'm one person.

The Walking Dead

I rewatched The Walking Dead series this last week.  Based off of a graphic novel series, there's an established following for the show as well as lots of material for future TV episodes.  The first 'season' was only six episodes long.  It begins in a fashion like 28 Days Later, the main character waking up from a coma in the middle of a zombie infested world with no idea how things got this far.

There is a lot of really awesome conflict going on in this series.  One of the things I love about zombie stories is that they aren't afraid to dig in and explore the darker side of human nature.  People do some very bad things at times.  How far are you willing to go to protect your family or the people important to you?  The series covers a lot of ground in six episodes.  In a lot of ways I thought it covered too much ground and left too many things open since there wasn't a guarantee of a second season.

I just read that there will be a second season, which I'm excited about.  Hopefully the 13 episode season does more than the first season did.  It was awesome, but here's hoping it's better.

New Season of Dr Who

The new season of Dr Who started last night.  Since I don't get BBC America I bought the iTunes season pass.  It's handy, but the iTunes playback kind of sucks.  I can't wait to get it on instant play via Netflix to watch without the hiccuping video feed.  The audio at least was fine.  I then discovered that my version was playing the HD video back.  I switched to the standard and it worked MUCH better, so I rewatched the premier.

Now I will talk about the new episodes and this is littered with spoilers.

I know that it took me a long time to warm up to the new Doctor, and I'm still not a huge fan of Amy Pond or Dr. Riversong, but I love Rory.  The new season started off with a kick though!  Anything that starts off with the death of the main character is a pretty risky start.  We know that somewhere along the season we'll learn why the Doctor had to die.  It's a pretty big dose of expectation in my oppinion.

Anyone else catch Dr. Riversong's allusion to her own death?  I'm not a fan of her character.  I don't like her, and in many ways I doubt I'll ever see any of the Doctor's having a romantic arc with anyone but Rose as okay.  It's silly, but that's how I see it. 

What I really liked are the new alien creatures.  Very Men in Black kind of feel in the vein of the angels.  With the angels you couldn't blink, with these MIB creatures if you look anywhere but at them you'll forget they even exist.

Yes, I'm rambling and I'm okay with that.  All in all, I'm excited about where this season is going!

Detox makes me cranky.

Seriously.

Today was the first real day of the detox.  It's also been over 24 hours since I've had real sugar.  Unfortunately because of those two things I have splurged on an extra Dr Pepper.  Can't be perfect, right?  The detox will last about two weeks.  The problem I'm having right now is that it's making me hungry.

Today was also Dentist Day.  I'm not sure if it's just what the poking does to me, but I seem to always get a migraine after going there.

In completely unrelated news, I bought a pink shirt. I'm a little nervous about this. I haven't worn pink in ages.

Shopping Mis-adventures

I didn't blog about this, partly because it was a little embarrassing and I didn't feel like it at the time.  Several weeks, maybe a month or two ago, both of my f-a-v-o-r-i-t-e pair of jeans ripped.  I'd owned them for two years, they were wearing really thin, and for $20 jeans from Target they had served me well.  Desperate for jeans for something going on that weekend, I ran into Target, found my size and my *'fit' - and bought them.  Ran home, pulled them on... and panicked.

Yes, I knew I'd lost a little weight. 

Just a little. 

Not enough to give me dreams of being teeny tiny, but enough to make a girl look in the mirror and think, Oh I can do this!

But there was no way I'd lost enough weight to make these jeans literally drop off of my hips.  In the end I had to actually roll the jeans so that they were tight enough to not slip down.  I haven't gone to buy more jeans because 1) lazy, 2) I'd kinda hoped to drop a few more pounds and celebrate with nicely fitting jeans.

I'd kinda decided this last week that my jean situation was redonkulous and I just needed to go shell out $25 for a pair of jeans that don't threaten to expose me.  I'll spare you the shopping play by play, but for kicks I went and grabbed different sizes and fits of jeans.  I compared the exact same size of what I was looking at to what I was wearing.  I should have taken a picture.  There were four inches of difference.  My X size jeans have to have been mis-marked by about four sizes.

Anyways, Target is my weak spot for shopping right now.  I'm addicted to their 'boyfriend' cut shirts, super soft t's in tons of colors.

In other news, I bought some artificial sugar today in the hopes of substituting it in my tea.  I'm sure I'll have a product review or rant later.  Now, off to dye my hair 5th Element Red!

*Target has an amazing system of fits, 1 through 6, that allows you to chose super low waist to natural waist, straight through the thighs or curvy to get the 'just right' fit for you.  Really the system is awesome.

yes, I know about roller derby

In the last week I've had no fewer than six people contact me about roller derby.  A vendor from work came by my office to give me a magazine that featured local roller derby.  Several repeat clients have commented about the leagues moving around, and a few people I talk to occasionally.

Is this the world telling me something?

#fatespeaks

another tattoo

This last week was almost a comedy of mishaps between my friend and I trying to hit up a certain tattoo shop when they were open.  Both of us hate calling and talking on the phone, so the logical course of action hasn't happened - yet.

I was surprised that I still feel anxious, or maybe it's just nerves, when a new tattoo is imminent.

It's probably something like an addiction.  Part of the ink of a tattoo is a certain kind of oil.  That oil does eventually seep into the bloodstream and if you get tattooed enough you do have a mild addiction.  It's what causes that euphoria when you step into a tattoo shop, when you just want another tattoo.  I seem to do okay with it.  If I go into a shop, heck yes I want another one, but I don't have to have it.

Right now my time table is every two to three years I get more.  May will be my two years, so it makes sense that I'm starting to think about adding to my collection.  I really want to do my left arm, but it's going to cost somewhere around $500 and I don't have those resources right now because I have to buy new tires soon, contacts in a few months, the inspection on the Jeep - ug!  It adds up, this whole being an adult thing.

Anyways, I'm going to push my friend and look into making plans sometime either this month or next.  Tattoos aren't something you should rush.  And now, I'm off to write and be writerly.  I think, that if I ever sell a book, I'd get a tattoo to celebrate.

And now I want an anchor tattoo.

I've been emailing with an old friend and during the conversation we started discussing tattoos. Not an abnormal event, people often come to me to discuss these things and I normally don't mind. 

But a weird thing happened during this conversation.

While it wasn't a direct result of what was being said, I had this thought in my head that I was sorry I'd ever gotten a tattoo.

What. The. Heck?

Long ago, when I first fell in love with the first in a long line of tattoo'd rock stars, I decided that when I got tattoo'd, because I would, mine would mean something.  They would be personal, and a part of me.  I've always loved my tattoos, I've never minded the attention, and except for one instance* I've never allowed people to make me feel less for simply having rainbow colored skin.

Something's happened recently that has made me feel self conscious about my skin.  Probably some of it has to do with my weight, which I'm working on, but another part of it I think is that I'm now the black sheep.  Before, there were always people around me with tattoos.  When I did audio, there were tons of people with tattoos.  When I was in derby, the minority went without them.  But now, most of the people I'm around have naked skin.  There's nothing wrong with this!  I'm just wondering if it's effected my personal outlook on myself.

After some introspective time, I've come to the conclusion that I still like my tattoos.  Yes, my life would be easier were my skin not inked.  I wouldn't crave a tattoo.  I wouldn't have to bother with covering them up for certain occasions.  In general, life is easier without them.  But they're part of who I am, and my friends, people who love me, etc accept them and me.

During conversations, another point was brought up.  I haven't dated recently - at all.  I got fed up after a few bad dates and haven't paid attention to the opposite sex.  My tattoos play a part in who I date.  Not going to lie, a lot of guys will say a girl with tattoos is hot, but secretly we intimidate them.  I'm a strong personality, and I know dating me is hard.  I'm me and no matter how much I like someone, there are just parts of me that won't change.  The kind of guys that would put up with me are few and far between, and they're weeded out a lot of times by the tattoos.

I still plan on doing my left arm and finishing my back.  Someday I'd like to find someone who loves me and my tattoos.  I will always caution people who want to get tattoos to think seriously about them before.  Most people end up regretting their tattoos.  Some day I might regret mine.  Today isn't that day.  Mostly I'm writing this to say that sometimes, you have to find yourself again.

*The one instance when someone made me actually feel crappy for having tattoos was when a complete stranger walked up to me and said, "Oh my, why would you ever get tattoos?  You'll never be a beautiful bride."

Planning Paris

I'm beginning to compile a list of places I want to visit when I go to Paris.  I'm still a little overwhelmed at the idea of coordinating everything on my own and the idea of being alone is starting to really sink in - but I'm still excited.  So here's a quick rundown of the places I want to visit:
  • Catacombs - The underground passageways where the bodies of the dead were interred when the cemeteries began to overflow.
  • The Louvre - Art. I'll probably devote an entire day just to this.
  • Cathedrals: Sainte-Chapelle, Englise de la Madeleine, Notre-Dame - When I visited Russia my favorite places were always the cathedrals.  I'd love to find a cathedral tour of Paris and spend a whole day going from cathedral to cathedral.
  • Castles/Chateaus: Versailles, Vincennes Chateau, Champs-sur-Marne Chateau, Chateau de Maisons-Laffitte - If I'm going to Paris, I should see a castle or a palace or something, right?  These are all within the Paris 'area', and if I take a train I can go see even more, but there are only so many opulent castle like places I think I can see.
  • The Paris Opera - I doubt I'll see anything at the opera, but I'd still like to see the building, which is supposed to be fab.
  • Arc de Triomphe - The famous arch, also the place of the Unknown Soldier.
  • Basilica de Sacre Coeur - I'm not 100% sure what it is, but it's big and pretty and touted as a must see place so I'll probably do an evening tour of it one day.
I actually don't care a whole lot about seeing the Eiffle Tower.  I'd be happy walking past it and snapping a few pictures.

And I'd like to just go shopping some.  Find a little open air souvenir market and shop for chintzy stuff I don't need!

The actual PBP Ride takes place from the 21st to the 25th.  This means that my mother and I will have four days prior to the race I think to sight see together and do things with the cycling group.  The 21st will be all about the evening start, so we'll probably stick close to the area and rest.  I would imagine that if I can get a wifi signal I will be online and blogging and uploading pictures.  From the 22nd to the 25th I'm on my own.  During those days I'll be doing most of the above.  My mom's not much for sight seeing so what I want to see I'd better see while she's cycling her buns off!  The 26th my mom will most likely be catatonic so I'll probably stick close to her.  We'll then have two days to sight see and recover from the race.  We've discussed going down to Normandy beach, so we'll see how that goes.

[Edit: Below are places people have suggested that I'm adding.]

Heartburn

I remember the first time I had heartburn acutely.

I was living alone for the first time, and playing roller derby.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a painful, firelike feeling in my chest that was not passion, ardor or anything pleasant.  It hurt.  A lot.  I thought I might be in serious trouble.  Maybe I'd fallen wrong and had one of those injuries that take a while to pop up.  It was the early hours of the morning and while I was in physical pain, it wasn't unbearable.  I decided to google my symptoms and see if I could self-diagnose to either decide if I merited an emergency room visit or if I could wait and make an appointment.

After reading and rereading I decided I might have heartburn.  Since my dad pops antacids like candy, my mom had stocked my medicine cabinet to supply a small drug cartel I dug out some antacids, chewed the chalky pills and sat on my couch watching Bravo until - the pain went away.

Traumatized, I dreaded having heartburn ever again.

I'm sharing this memory because I woke up Sunday morning with heartburn.  I thought I was sick to my stomach.  I thought I was about to throw up, except I also felt like someone was driving a hot poker through my chest.  I decided I might have heartburn.  So again I relied on those antacids my mother stocked me with - and after a few minutes checking twitter I was ready to go back to bed.

So there's a funny story for you.  Now I'm going to schedule this and go to bed!

Paris Travel is Booked!

Okay, so it was really booked like a week or two ago, but I also had to do some things like take new passport and visa pictures and it really hadn't sunk in yet.  It's slowly beginning to be real in my head that I'm going to Paris.  OMG!

I'll be gone from August 15th to the 28th and I'm planning on having pretty much just a backpack with me, borrowing my dad's netbook, my ereader and a camera.  My mom will be participating in the annual Paris-Brest-Paris cycling tour that covers 1,200 kilometers and lots of mountains and climbing.

The details are few and far between right now, but I'm really looking forward to it!

More Crafting Month Goodness!

Okay, well I wasn't really sure if I was going to do anything for National Craft Month, but I had a spark of genious earlier today.

First, I'm going to be doing crafty posts for writers over on my Cid Tyer wordpress blog, which will go up on Thursdays through the end of the month.  This is in addition to my monthly topical blogging series.

Second, I started a new knitting project!  I also figured out what's been going wrong with my cast on's.  I do a long tail, or continental cast on for my projects.  Despite following along with youtube tutorials, for the last two or three years I've been knitting I've been casting on all wrong!  On the second pass through the yarn looped around the thumb, instead of passing through the loop, I have been coming back up under the loop.  Thus, when I would knit I would end up knitting three strands of yarn together as one stitch to make up for all the extra yarn.  no friggen wonder all of my first rows have always looked so sloppy!

I figured this out last night while I started my bandanna/shawl project.  I'm using a ravelry pattern called 22.5 Degrees that's sort of plain, as far as shawls go - but I like it!.  No fancy panels or weavy wavy stuff - because I can't really figure that stuff out yet!  I'll take pictures later.  For now I just wanted to check in!

March is National Craft Month

 Dude, I think I knew this from last year, but I totally forgot - and now it's here again. Yikes!  This makes me want to do more crafty things this month.  I'm thinking about it - and there's at least two knitting projects I want finished and another Super Seekrit crafty project I want to do.  Hurray!

One project I would like to do, I don't know if I'll have enough time, but my mother's birthday is the 20th of March.  It's a Sunday.  I'd like to maybe knit her a set of dish clothes or something.

Huh, I totally should have held off creating my writer's space until March officially set in - that would have been an awesome project to ascribe to the month!

On being a Christian, Gay Rights, Picketing Soldiers Funerals and other stuff...

Earlier today I saw this shocking post on tumblr from thedailywhat about a Baptist Church that pickets soldier's funerals.  This isn't the first time that I've seen this issue come up.  This church has been at this song and dance for a while and each time I see something about them it gets me angry.

The Kansas based church pickets the funerals of soldiers, most of them have died in service to the country though some (from what I've read/seen) have also been veterans.  They picket to protest gay rights. 

They aren't picketing against the war, they're picketing about gay rights.

Before I even touch on why their actions make me angry - the correlation between the war and gay rights just doesn't make sense to me.  In responce to why they would picket funerals, the pastor replied:

"When the whole country is given over to sodomy and sodomite enablers ... the country needs this preaching."
There seems to be a disconnect of logic here.  Yes, preaching.  As a Christian - I agree with that.  However, I cannot nor would I ever approve of the method by which they go about fulfilling what could be an educational discourse of [insert positive topic].

Picketing a soldier's funeral, disrespecting the families of those who are having to say goodbye to a loved one is just cruel.  How does an act like that spread Christ?  What if those people saying goodbye to their child or sibling or parent are Christians?  How does that create a loving community of believers?  How does that win people over to your cause?

Alienating people and hurting them is not the way to have a positive discourse and convince them your way of thinking is right.  It's actually the opposite.

I know that a lot of people have and will take issue with my opinions on gay rights, and that by stating them publicly will probably mean that I'll never be certified as a pastor, but this is what I believe:
  1. Religiously - from what I've researched, I cannot in good faith say that my doctrine supports homosexual relationships.
  2. Politically - it's none of my damn business who you marry or what you do.
I've known gay people.  I have friends who are gay.  Heck, I've even written gay characters!  I have nothing wrong with people who ascribe to a different sexuality than what I think is 'right'.  I would never, ever dream of telling a person they were 'wrong'.  I think that since we have a separation of church and state and marriage is more like a legal contract, a joining of two functioning parts of the society machine, you should be able to marry whoever you want, and thumb your nose at anyone who says otherwise.  Yes, that's a very unpopular opinion for me to have in my conservative Christian circles, but it's what I think. 

Religiously, I have to stand by the historical-cultural context of homosexuality in the Old Testament.  I researched this because when I was in college the idea that there was an exclusion based on something as silly as sexual preference just didn't and in a lot of ways still doesn't make sense to me.  After researching it, I have to stand by the religious decision that God frowns on homosexuality.  I don't know what that translates to beyond death, I don't know if it's a deal-breaker for God, I'm just not the authority to say one way or the other.

(As a side note - if you really want to point out the OT talking about tattoos, before you do - go do some research please and then we can talk.)

After reading different articles on the picketing on CNN and NPR I'm angry and ashamed to be lumped with people who would picket soldiers funerals like that.  I'm a Christian, yes, I won't apologize for that.  I've always ascribed to a Love God, Love People mantra.  At times I know I fail, but it just boggles my mind that people who say they believe in Jesus would do something so hurtful and purposefully malicious.

I went to the Westboro Baptist Church website for all of fifteen seconds before I was too shocked and disturbed to continue reading.  They plan on picketing the school of a child who shot her mother in the head - because the child was sent by God to punish her mother.  How is this a "Christian" message?  It isn't.  The God they say is so hateful isn't the God I know.

Blood and gore - except this is the real deal.

Tonight on the news when they covered the stuff going on in Libya, I was shocked by the uncensored, violent video and pictures they were showing, most of it featuring bloody bodies, some without limbs.  What happened to the age when we wouldn't show the bodies?  I know a lot of people are desensitized to violence and seeing images of the real deal doesn't register as a true fatality, a life being snuffed out, but for those of us who are still sensitive to stuff like that - it's shocking and disturbing.  I don't care why these people were killed, it's still the end of a life and it's SAD.  It's upsetting, and it doesn't make me want to stay tuned.  It makes me want to turn the tv off or go to another channel.

checking in, stuff is happening, i'm sure you care.

It's officially the weekend.  Woohoo!

Now what to do with myself?

I've been busy.  If you keep track of my writer's blog, you've seen some of my current events blogs about writing or things surrounding writing and books, and my series on world building that's wrapping up this weekend.  I've also been writing and reading like crazy.

And then there's the book buying! Dear ohEMgee!  Borders has gotten its chunk from my hide.  I'm doing a recap of books I've bough on my website Saturday, but I bought like $200 worth of books for a little under $100.  A lot of money, but I'm excited about a lot of what I was able to pick up for a little discount.

I haven't talked about my teeth a whole lot since last weekend.  I had ten days to get through with those capsules in my mouth.  Last weekend they really started to irritate me, but as of Monday they're all gone.  I've also had a lot healthier gums and less swelling and bleeding.  TMI?  Maybe, but that was the goal of having the procedure done in the beginning.

Last week I started belly dancing up again, spurred on by two friends who showed interest in joining me.  We're working on a slightly Indian routine that's kicking my booty.  I can do the steps, I think I have the sequence down, but I can't do the dang thing for a solid hour.  It's been exhausting, but lots and lots of fun!

This weekend I'm going to do a deep clean of the apartment and make an appointment with my plumber to fix my washer.  I'm also going to put my dining set on Craigslist.  I'm not quite ready to do that to my Chinchillas yet.  I'm thinking about it, but not there.  I'm also going to be away doing writing things.  I'm not going to DFWCon, which is this weekend.  At $300 I couldn't afford it, so I'm looking at FenCon in the fall instead.  We'll see!

Well, it's Friday, and I want to do something selfishly indulgent, like watch a movie or some more Paranormal State.  Dude, PS is research!

Talking About Pounds

Well, not really.  Sort of.  I'm blogging because um, I seem to have the bug right now and I haven't blogged about my attempt to lose weight recently.  I switched over to using LoseIt.com because it does a better job of tracking calories and stuff than I do, it's also not as time consuming.  What is difficult is not being able to tally up the fat grams.

Right now I eat around 1,200 calories a day, on averate.  Technically I'm "allowed" 1,800 and on some days I do.  Must most I don't.  Most days I don't even consume all of my alloted fat grams per day.

I've gone back to belly dancing, once a week.

I do half hour walks fairly often.  I can read and walk which is helpful.

And I've only succeeded in losing a very small amount of weight.  It's not even worth saying.  It's depressing.  So, I'm thinking that in the coming weeks I should do a few things.

  1. Cut back on Dr Pepper.  Not cut it out, but cutting back.  I'm transitioning from drinking a full can, to one of those 100 calorie cans.  Smaller portion, still get a little caffine kick in my day.
  2. Carbs.  I have a suspicion that this is a big culprit in my life.  I eat oatmeal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and then there's dinner which is sometimes just a repeat of lunch.  That's a lot of carbs.  And this last week was like a carb induced coma between the bagels, pizza and donuts.
  3. Try to exercise more.  More walking, which will mean more reading, but I'm okay with that.
If I don't see an improvement after a month, I think I'm going to go see the doctor I saw when I hurt my hand.  Maybe I've developed allergies to something or some other really weird something that's preventing me from losing even a little bit more weight.

Blog Stats

Dispite my ability as a blogger to say anything of real worth here, it seems that I have quite a large audience.  I'm going to play with the stats of my blog here a bit, because really this is kinda fun.  I've heard that blogger's stats aren't very honest, so when I lay some of these numbers down, please take them with a grain of salt.  I don't think my innane ramblings are anywhere near this fascinating.  How can they be?

I've had Cid Bloggity Blogs since September of 2009, when I started it as a weightloss blog.  I failed miserably.  Now, as Shona pointed out, this is my 'cocktail blog' and I talk about - whatever.

To date I have had 5,700 views.
These viewers come from mostly 10 different countries.
The most surprising country my viewers come from? South Korea.
Most of my referrals come from a water filtration site that I've never heard of.

My most popular post was on Dr. Who's Angels. It's had almost 700 views.

The keywords people use to land here the most are:

  • avatar the last airbender movie 2; avatar last airbender character names; avatar the last airbender 2 movie
  • blogger
  • dr who angels
  • cid(s) blog
  • "eric james stone"
So thank you Dr Who and Avatar for plenty of random views.

I go through waves of blogging, I know.  But thanks to everyone who has stuck with me, especially those of you in far flung countries I wouldn't have expected.

Reorganizing my space.

I've been looking around my apartment, weighing staying or moving in the summer.  My lease is up in late July or early August and I need to start making decisions.  I think that with everything else going on this year, I should stay another year so long as rent does not increase.  I'm not crazy about the new payment system, which is a tangled web of problems on the best day and a complete wreck on the worst.  I would prefer that the gates, ya know, CLOSE.  But the apartment is comfortable, I like the layout.  And lastly - it's expensive moving.  Movers cost hundreds of dollars and because I was an idiot and bought huge funiture when I moved out on my own I've kind of sealed my fate where movers are concerned.

So I'm evaluating what I have, what I do, and what could make me happier.

And I start thinking about happiness, and I wonder if my Chinchillas are happy.  And now I get worried.  I'm not at home as much as I was when I got them.  I've steadily become more and more busy.  I no longer spend time each day feeding them raisins or scratching their little ears.  My Chinchillas aren't incredibly social, they're rather shy and perfectly happy just coexsisting in the same room with you, but that doesn't mean they don't feel my lack of presence.  I've begun to think that I should re-home them.  Find a person or a family who would take care of them and love them.  My Chinchillas are a little older, 7 and 5 if I remember correctly, so they are not breeding animals.  They're also attached to one another.  Both of those factors make it a little more difficult to find them a new home.  I'm moving very slowly on this idea.  But, if you're interested in them, shoot me an email at [ mailto:cidsound@gmail.com ] and we can talk.  I'm not looking to make money off of the rehoming, it's more about finding them the right home.

With that in mind I started to look at the rest of my furniture. 

  • Bookshelves are a must. 
  • The entertainment set has been taken over by more books, which is fine.  It looks quite nice with all those books on it. 
  • I'm still very much in love with my overstuffed leather couches. 
  • The ottomen are new additions, but hold all of my knitting stuff. 
  • The old coffee table is now a side table for the couch and I've discovered its presence is quite necessary.
  • The dining set..... has become a repository for 'stuff'.
The dining set could really go.  I wasn't thinking functionality when I bought it.  I thought 'dude, that's a seriously stylish and cool set' and it was mine.  I didn't think about how the height of the chairs would make it uncomfortable to sit there for longer than an hour.  When I lived at the apartments before the one I'm in now, I had people over for dinner all the time.  I haven't done that in ages, and really, my current friends would just as soon eat sitting on the couches, laptops in our laps or knitting in hand.  So I'm thinking I'll get rid of the dining set and use the money to purchase a lower table and a nice desk chair.  I'm looking at Ikea stuff, so for maybe $150 I could set up an L shaped work area and have a nice chair for writing.

My problem here is that Craigslist seems to be the only really useful place for something like this, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.  I live alone.  People coming over to look at my furniture makes me nervous since I no longer know my neighbors.  I'm not sure how to get around this problem, but I'm thinking about it.  Suggestions anyone?

I don't like to be insulted.

As someone on Facebook said, this is like my cocktail party blog, and today I want to do a little venting and a little lecturing.  I've had an interesting two or three weeks.  This blog post isn't the response to any one instance, but many in several different situations with more than one group of people.  So if you're reading this and you think I'm talking about you - I'm probably not, but your conscience is probably trying to tell you something.

Growing up, manners were imparted to me through many different avenues of experience, but none more so than my personal code of consideration.  My parents taught me to be polite, say yes ma'am and no sir, get your guests a drink and never ever touch a man's hat without permission.  My horses taught me to respect personal space because not everyone wants to be touched all the time.  My friends taught me to share like I wanted them to share with me.  And somewhere along the way my Code of Consideration was born.  I realized somewhere in life that I liked when people were considerate of my feelings, wants and desires and that I should do the same in return.

However, it seems like more and more people don't even attempt to be polite.  I know I'm a colorful individual, by just being myself I spark controversy with my hair, or my jewelry, or my lifestyle, or my beliefs.  I accept this.  I've posted before that I just can't be any other way than the way I am.  I tried to be something else for a long time in life and failed. 

I like who I am, and I'm offended when people think I should change something about myself because they think it should be so.  Are there aspects of myself that could be changed for the better?  Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to point out the fact that I am technically overweight by medical definition according to my BMI.  Before you do that, would you stop to consider that I once had a very serious eating disorder?

Sometimes I'm just appalled at the things people will say to one another.  I believe in being honest with my friends about things, even when I know it will hurt their feelings, but I never say those things because I want to hurt them.  I say those things because I see a behavior or a problem that will hurt them.  I say the tough things because I love them and I want to help them.  If I think what I want to say will only hurt and will not help, I keep it to myself.

So before you unleash your opinions about another person, maybe you should stop and ask yourself if I were to say those things to you, would you want to hear them?

Thumper probably said it best when he said, "If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all."

Surviving Church as a Single - my score

Okay, if you're single, even if you aren't a Christian, some of this will make you laugh.  Micah turned me on to stuffchristianslike.com and I couldn't resist filling out the score card.  I'm bolding the questions that apply to me, and adding my own answers below them.  You'll figure it out.  You're smart!  Now, I haven't gone to church regularly for a while, so I'm basing this off of the last church I was a member of.

The Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard

1. Your church doesn’t have a singles ministry. = + 1 point

2. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:

Student: “My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!”

Single: “My 401K is underperforming.” = +2 points

3. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s a triad that combines college, single adults and divorce recovery. = + 3 points

4. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s the dreaded quad, combining college, single adults, divorce recovery and retired widowers that refuse to move to Florida. = +4 points
The last church I was an active member of, had a huge singles ministry.  The main singles events were open to anyone who was basically over the age of 18, and single.  That's it.  Granted, there were supplimental groups, but when you went to the meetings they covered everything from moving into your new dorm to living on your own and organizing home care.
5. Someone pays you the world’s most backhanded compliment, “I just don’t understand how someone as great as you isn’t married yet.” = +1 point
How do you reply to that?  Like seriously!  "Yeah, me neither."  I can't count the number of times someone has said this to me.  The times that really sucked - when it was a fairly nice guy friend that I could have possibly have dated, were he not affraid of me.  I seem to inspire terror in the male sex.

6. Someone told you, “If you stop looking for love you’ll find it.” 2 points for each time you’ve heard that.
I didn't know I was looking for it....
7. At church, people give you weird looks if you refuse to sit in the “singles” section of the sanctuary. = +1 point
Because I can't have lots of friends, and even *gasp* ones who aren't single?
8. When people introduce you, they say, “This is Matt, my single friend.” = +2 points
"Hi, I'm Cid and make boys cry." I think that would be a much more effective way of introducing myself. I establish the fact that if you're easy to intimidate, I will scare you, and later on we could mention the fact that I'm also single!
9. When people introduce you they feel compelled to list out your accomplishments, “This is Sally, my single friend who owns her own home, drives a luxury sedan and has a very, very stable job.” = +3 points
Usually the first thing people mention is the tattoos and roller derby, then the rest...
10. Your friends that have been married for 15 minutes act like they suddenly don’t remember anything about dating and therefore can’t give you any advice. “It’s been so long since I dated, things have changed so much. I’m just out of that whole scene.” + 2 points
I don't ask for advice, so this really doesn't apply to me.
11. People are constantly volunteering you for things because, “you’re single, you’ve got so much free time.” = +1 point

I'm always - always - busy.  This seems to just shock a lot of people.  I don't understand this reaction.
12. People at church act a little surprised when they ask you, “How are you doing?” and you respond with, “Things are great right now. I love my life!” = +1 point
Yeah, as if my life cannot be fulfiling without a partner.  I'm busy!  I don't always need someone to take care of on top of what I'm doing - and having fun!
13. Married friends try to live vicariously through you, asking questions like, “What did you do this weekend? Road trip? I bet you went on some crazy cool, singles road trip, right?” = +2 points
Yeah, okay, granted I am the type who would and will take crazy road trips, but it doesn't mean it's a singles adventure.  Maybe I'm going to a convention or something, huh?  But there are a lot of weekends I stay at home - writing.  People give me really crazy looks when I say that, but it's the truth!
14. Someone you just met for the first time said a sentence like this to you, “If you want to get married, you need to ______.” = +2 points
I was once told that if I wanted to get married, I needed to lose weight, get the tattoos removed and then I tuned them out.  I was shocked.  I think I wanted to do bodily harm to the person.
15. Whenever married friends call you at noon on a Saturday, they start the conversation by saying, “Did I just wake you up?” = +3 points

Okay, with this one it's my own fault. I regularly sleep late on the weekends!
16. You assume that if you don’t get engaged by final exams of your senior year in college you’ll never get married. = -2 points

I had a professor in college who told me this.  I was in my senior semester, dealing with some really bad issues thanks to a guy who decided punching me in the face was a great idea, and then I heard this.  For that whole last semester of college I thought about this, and I let the fear that she was right sink in.  I don't believe it any more, but for a while I did.
17. You’ve secretly always wanted your own cat but are afraid that ownership of a single kitten will become some sort of gateway drug to becoming “the cat lady.” = – 2 points
18. You’ve ever given an impassioned, enraged monologue on the injustice that men who are single get to age gracefully and be considered “bachelors” while women are instantly judged as “crazy cat ladies.” = – 3 points
I think I have done this - because it's true!  Men are allowed to age and stay single and noone really cares.  But if a woman wants the same thing, there must be something wrong with her!
19. You’ve got a “don’t perpetuate the cat lady stereotype,” monologue locked and loaded at all times and have already stopped reading this post so you can put it in the comments section. = – 5 points
20. Someone has quoted the “it’s not good for man to be alone” Bible verse to you. = +2 points.
Are we sure that verse is talking about being married?  Can't it talk about, like, walking to your car in the middle of night in downtown or something?
21. When friends invite you to their church they start the invite by listing both the quantity and hotness of the singles that go there. = +1 point
Yes, I feel sorry for the people I'm introduced because they get that deer-in-the-headlights look.  Quick, your on the spot, make yourself look good!
22. That friend was named Jon Acuff and he said, “No one in Atlanta should ever involuntarily remain single with so many awesome single people at North Point Community Church.” (I’ve said this a lot. My bad.) = + 3 points
23. Your married friends tip toe around you during February because they think you’re too delicate to handle the completely made up holiday, Valentine’s Day. = +1 point
I don't usually even remember Valentine's Day exsists.  Most of the time it arrives, and I'm clueless until the day of.  In college I avoided going to the caffeteria on V-Day because they made such a huge deal out of it, and that was awkward, but usually I don't care!
24. You are too delicate to handle Valentine’s Day and have been known to describe it with a rich tapestry of words no Christian should even know exist, never mind actually say out loud. = + 1 point
25. The person that leads the singles ministry at your church got married in 1964. = +10 points for each decade they’ve been married.
26. Someone told you, “Maybe you need to focus on being more like a Proverbs 31 woman.” = 2 points for each time it wasn’t sincere encouragement.
To the people who have every suggested this.... HAVE YOU READ PROVERBS 31??  You can BE that person - without being married.  And I think that a "Proverbs 31 Woman" is the kind who could also be very happy on her own, ya know, taking care of the 101 businesses she starts and all her crafty adventures and stuff.  Just saying. 
27. You didn’t know you were supposed to be unhappy as a single adult until you went to church and found the singles ministry to be akin to a support group. = +3 points
Yeah! I sort of like my single life.  I can do whatever I want! Why am I supposed to be upset about this?
28. Upon hearing that you went on a first date with someone, your single friends at church stop inviting you to the single events because “you’re in a relationship already.” = +2 points


29. Upon hearing that you went on two dates, your married friends at church start telling you, “I’ll be praying that this is the one!” = + 3 points
I tend to date guys who don't fear commitment, they're also the kind of guys who state early on where they see the relationship going.  I, however, like to take things easy and not too serious in the beginning.  Friends, or even the guy, saying things like that - or mentioning the M or K words (Marriage, Kids) freaks me out.  I feel like they're tightening the noose already.  Um, do we have to already?
30. Your best friend of 15 years gets married and then suddenly acts like a magical gap has opened up between you and decides that until you get married too you can’t be close again because you just don’t understand each other anymore. = +3 points

This royally sucks. I hate that this happens.  I don't understand it, especially when we were all friends before they got married, but it keeps happening.
31. To justify giving a four week marriage sermon series to a congregation that is 60% single, the pastor throws out one blanket statement like this at the beginning of the series, “And you single people listen up to this too, this well serve you well when you get married too.” = +2 points
The trick of preaching directly to one group of the congregation and hitting the othes with stuff they didn't know they need to know, only works so many times, and after a while it gets old or we resent it.
32. You set your alarm to “not going to church today” after the first week of the marriage sermon series. = – 2 points
Whoopse....

33. The only time your married friends invite you over is when they need a babysitter. = +3 points
We've already stopped hanging out because I'm single, so they don't ask me over to watch the kids.
34. Someone throws the “Paul was never married” card on you. = +2 points
Wow, REALLY? Like, never??  I NEVER heard that before!

o__o
35. Friends assume that the only qualification that matters to you when it comes to finding a date is that she’s available and set you up with people you have nothing in common with. = +2 points
The paint has been more interesting at times....

36. You’ve ever said the rhyme, “I’m a bachelor til’ the rapture.” = – 1 point
37. During a prayer at church celebrating wedding anniversaries, the person praying says a special prayer for all the people that are still single and lonely. (True story) = +1 point
*sigh*  Again?  Can't we just remember that I'm happy this way?
38. You have a friend that feels like creating a dating profile on eHarmony is a sign that you might not be trusting God enough to provide a soul mate. = + 1 point
Because you can ONLY meet someone at church...

39. You’ve developed highly sensitive, “They’re about to throw the bouquet” radar and know exactly when to leave a wedding. = +2 points

HAAHAA!! OMG YES!! I usually find a reason I really have to go put on more lipstick, or pee, or fluff my hair.....
40. Instead of saying that you’re “single” your friends describe you as “Not married yet.” = +2 points

Okay, most of this was for fun, but seriously - it's how it is in a lot of circles, not just Christians.  My score was: 40somehing

Journey to a Nicer Smile

I've twittered and facebooked about this a little, and people keep asking me what's going on - so I'm writing this blog post!

In case you didn't know, and most people don't, my front six top teeth are fake.  They've been fake since I was in high school.  I had braces, which straightened my teeth quite nicely, but also tore off the enamel on my teeth when they came off.  I went to Russia for the summer, and came back to my teeth practically falling out of my mouth.  This was not good, so they did what's called a facial composite.  It's a porous kind of filling material that gave me my faux teeth.  The problem is that the composite facials age, yellow, chip and wear poorly making me look like either a lifetime smoker or someone who has a coffee mug attached to my hand - and neither are true!

I have always been sensitive about my teeth, self conscious that they aren't white and that I have teeth smaller than most kids.  I've always known that I would eventually have to have something else done, something more permanent.

Starting in February, we're doing a whole process of cutting and molding and implanting.  This last week I had the first phase done.  It was an invasive type of cleaning.  I've always had sensitive gums that bleed easily.  In order to get the porcaline teeth I need to get them in as good of shape as we can.  So they went in and cut out two possible infection areas and then there has been between 15 and 20 very tiny antibiotic capsules injected under the surface of my gums.

It's painful.  The capsules are small and designed to release antibiotics into my system slowly over two weeks time, but it still hurts and I haven't been able to eat anything but soup since Friday.

I'll be going back in six weeks to do another cleaning and evaluation of my gums.  At that point we'll start thinking about taking molds of my teeth, looking at what finish to put on my porcaline teeth and working towards doing the actual impants.

So there you go!  That's what I'm up to with my teeth, it's semi painful, but in the end it'll be worth it, right? I hope so!

I fail at blogging.

Okay, so I'm just going to admit that I'm failing at blogging here.  It's hard enough for me to keep up with writing, the review site, and my writing blog.  This one is more for me to ramble on, so I'm just posting this so it's official - I may or may not post here as I so wish. 

And, I  moved my writing blog to another wordpress.  Now it's http://cidtyer.wordpress.com/

So that's it!

Fatty Journal: back on the waggon, sort of

I'm adjusting to the 1800 calories a day fairly easy.  I'm losing weight, according to the scale, but slowly.  It's more steady than a huge drop which is good.  The only problem I'm having is that I have been hungry late, like near when I go to bed.  I think I should start getting baby carrots and sugar snap peas to serve as snack foods.  The only bad thing is that when I'm reading I can and will demolish a whole bag full before I realize what I've done.

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

  • fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
  • Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
  • daily calories remaining: 1400
Lunch
  • Slim Sandwich from Jimmy Johns
  • Total: 220 calories - 19 grams of fat  
    • (I don't know if I believe their website that it's only 220 calories...)
  • daily calories remaining: 1,180
Snacks
  • Dr Pepper - 150 calories
  • daily calories remaining:  1030
Dinner
  • Spinach gnocchi, lean ground beef and avocado pesto
  • Total: um, probably more than I should eat!

Fatty Journal: picking up in the new year

It's 2011 and I'm getting back on track with my whole eating right thing.

The first weekend of the year has been spent - at home.  I'm slightly constrained as far as cash is concerned.  So, I'm focusing on doing stuff.

Saturday I spent mostly in bed.  Because the new mattress, plus the bed set equals the place I want to be.  Uber comfy!  I did the final revisions on my novella and handed it over to my critique partners and then settled in to finish Dr Who to bring me up to pace.  Yea!  Now, I'm starting Torchwood, which is a spin-off of Dr Who that focuses on Captain Jack and some sort of paranormal services in the UK.  I'll probably have more to say about this tomorrow when I update the blog.  So, until tomorrow!

Sunday I finished Torchwood, knitted, cleaned and read Flip this Zombie and half of Frostfire - both books are out January 11th.  I'll finish Frostfire as soon as I get home.  :)

Saturday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

  • fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
  • Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
  • daily calories remaining: 1400
Lunch
  • slept through lunch
  • Total: 0 calories - 0 grams of fat
  • daily calories remaining: 1400
Snacks
  • 3 x Dr Pepper - 550 calories
  • mini Reeses Peanut butter cups
  • daily calories remaining:  850
Dinner
  • Chicken sandwich
    • Total: 600? calories - 19? grams of fat
    • daily calories remaining: 250
    Sunday
    Calorie / Fat Journal 
    [1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

    Breakfast
    • fruit pizza - 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
    • Total: 400 calories - 12 grams of fat
    • daily calories remaining: 1400
    Lunch
    • Chicken sandwich
    • Total: 600? calories - 19? grams of fat
    • daily calories remaining: 800
    Snacks
    • Dr Pepper - 150 calories
    • daily calories remaining: 650
    Dinner
    • Apple
    • Total: 120 calories - 0 grams of fat
    • daily calories remaining: 530

      2010 Wrap-Up

      Okay, so at the beginning of the year I was really optimistic and set myself a bunch of goals to achieve.  Now, I didn't achieve all of them, but they served to really help me light a fire under my butt and think about doing things.  So without further ado, here's the goals!

      Random Goals

      Eat more fresh produce - Apples are my new favorite go to snack item.  I pretty much fail at fresh vegetables.  I'm not really excited about cooking, so I stretch stuff out as long as I can make it last so I have to cook less.  But, I do think about eating vegetables and fresh stuff more than I have before.

      Do something daily - I fluctuate on this A. Lot.  I've been fairly good about using my Wii Fit, and during the summer I started taking bellydance classes.  I didn't in the fall because there was just too much going on to juggle all of it, but I'll be picking it up at least once a week next weekend for a while at least.  I really hate exercising; I have to convince myself to do it every single time.

      Go to a parade - Yeah, didn't happen.  There was talk of going to one, I was going to go, and then I can't remember what stopped me, but I couldn't get there.  I was bummed - and then I didn't even think of it again, so newp, this didn't happen!

      Get a family photograph - Didn't happen.  I think my dad is against this.

      Organize and cull closet - DONE!  I culled way over 10% of the stuff in my closet and organized it.  Now, I just need to organize everything else that's in there.....

      Writing Goals


      2010 NaNoWriMo - I kicked NaNoWriMo's butt in 2010!

      The Barking Dog - I had several goals surrounding this project, but early this year I decided that it just wasn't worth messing with anymore and I let it go.  Maybe at another date I will return to it, but not in the immediate future.

      Research for another project - I've done a lot of research....

      Outline for my Graphic Novel idea - It's outlined....

      Outline for Love Unexpected - Also outlined....

      Write something I believe in - I've written a lot of stuff this year.....  I don't remember what I meant by this.


      Complete another draft of a story - any of my ideas or something else - I've finished several first drafts.  I thought I only had a few stories in me at the start of the year, and now I'm juggling how I'll manage all my revisions and writing.

      Reading Goals

      Read at least two writing books - Yup!

      Read all the Robin McKinley books - I've read about half of them....


      Read something in a genre I'm not accustomed to reading - I have read so far out of my normal comfort zone, I don't think I have a comfort zone anymore.  There's tons of stuff out there I'll read now!

      Act on more book suggestions; at least four - I'm at a point right now where I have far too many books because of book suggestions!

      Crafty Goals


      Learn three new knitting things - Yup, I knit.  I knit a lot of stuff.  What'cha want me to knit??

      Have a successful patio garden - I tried this and it failed miserably.  I'm going to be putting my patio stuff on Craigslist.

      Make Presents.  Yeah, I bought presents.  Maybe in 2011!

      Money Related Goals

      Pay off Express Credit Card - DONE!!

      Pay off Khols Credit Card - Will happen in 2011!!!!!

      Okay, so there you are.  My 2010 goals.  Now what shall I accomplish in 2011??

      About Me

      My photo
      Grew up traveling to rodeos with my parents. I've gone across the world thanks to my gypsie feet. I feel sometimes like I've done everything & nothing. I've played roller derby, traveled parts of the world, have four degrees. I've done some things most people will never do in their lives & still I want to do more. I want to work with orphans & teenagers again. I'm a Christian. I have a lot of tattoos. I like art therefore I want to be art. I love people. I started writing years ago when I was a kid. I think at the time it was an outlet for me; I found escape in my word & the worlds I created. Eventually I just started to like creating stuff & that's when I started sharing it with other people. Now I think I write every day. I want to do NaNoWrMo this year. I'm also learning how to knit. I think I'm on my way to being an eccentric old woman who runs around the world doing silly cazy things and knitting while she does them. Be on your guard I have knitting needles!

      Flashlight Worthy Book Lists

      Flashlight Worthy Books
      our newest book liststhe best book lists can be found
      at Flashlight Worthy Books
      add this widget to your blog
      There was an error in this gadget
      There was an error in this gadget

      My Blog List