P e r s o n a l B l o g/T w i t t e r . : : . W r i t i n g B l o g/T w i t t e r

i want to be in a snit.

Today has just been one crappy thing after the other.  But because it's mostly involving Things I Don't Blog About and my dad's health, there's really no point in blogging about it - other than I want to tell you, I want to be in a snit.  I really do.  All of the issues of today can't be pointed at just one person, it's a lot of that, 'none of us were paying attention like we should' and things fell through the crack and you know me; if it's not perfect, if I messed up, I'm crushed. 

I wish I could just brush off the mistakes; yes, we all make them but when I make them I often feel as if it is the end of the world.  I try to not act out after a mistake, I try to rein in my, 'woe is me! doom! doom! doom!', faze and move on with it.  But just because I don't act that way doesn't mean I don't feel it.  So the latter half of tonight has been me kicking myself while I'm down, pointing out everything I really could do better if I would just open my eyes and try a bit more. 

No, I am not perfect. 
Yes, I tend towards lazy. 
No, it is not the end of the world. 
Yes, I wish the ground would open up and swallow me now for my lack of perfection.

And then I talked to my mom.  We both got to complain to each other, and wonderful mother that she is, she wholeheartedly tries to make everything better.  I need to be a better daughter and call more often, but when I do call I learn everything my dad won't tell me about his health and then I recall why we haven't talked as much recently and of course my mom has to start in on my weight.  Because ya know what?  I'm fat.  And no man will love a fat girl, and I will feel better about myself skinny.  Sheesh.  I love, love, love my mom, but skinniness does not equate happiness.  Explaining that to her was a run on the never ending wheel of, 'yeah but-'.  I would do better to go unloved by another human being than have that love hinged on my waistline.

Anyways, I think I should shower, curl up in bed with Face Off and sleep this out.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  It's Thursday after all, and that means #writersdatenight!

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About Me

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Grew up traveling to rodeos with my parents. I've gone across the world thanks to my gypsie feet. I feel sometimes like I've done everything & nothing. I've played roller derby, traveled parts of the world, have four degrees. I've done some things most people will never do in their lives & still I want to do more. I want to work with orphans & teenagers again. I'm a Christian. I have a lot of tattoos. I like art therefore I want to be art. I love people. I started writing years ago when I was a kid. I think at the time it was an outlet for me; I found escape in my word & the worlds I created. Eventually I just started to like creating stuff & that's when I started sharing it with other people. Now I think I write every day. I want to do NaNoWrMo this year. I'm also learning how to knit. I think I'm on my way to being an eccentric old woman who runs around the world doing silly cazy things and knitting while she does them. Be on your guard I have knitting needles!

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