P e r s o n a l B l o g/T w i t t e r . : : . W r i t i n g B l o g/T w i t t e r

And now I want an anchor tattoo.

I've been emailing with an old friend and during the conversation we started discussing tattoos. Not an abnormal event, people often come to me to discuss these things and I normally don't mind. 

But a weird thing happened during this conversation.

While it wasn't a direct result of what was being said, I had this thought in my head that I was sorry I'd ever gotten a tattoo.

What. The. Heck?

Long ago, when I first fell in love with the first in a long line of tattoo'd rock stars, I decided that when I got tattoo'd, because I would, mine would mean something.  They would be personal, and a part of me.  I've always loved my tattoos, I've never minded the attention, and except for one instance* I've never allowed people to make me feel less for simply having rainbow colored skin.

Something's happened recently that has made me feel self conscious about my skin.  Probably some of it has to do with my weight, which I'm working on, but another part of it I think is that I'm now the black sheep.  Before, there were always people around me with tattoos.  When I did audio, there were tons of people with tattoos.  When I was in derby, the minority went without them.  But now, most of the people I'm around have naked skin.  There's nothing wrong with this!  I'm just wondering if it's effected my personal outlook on myself.

After some introspective time, I've come to the conclusion that I still like my tattoos.  Yes, my life would be easier were my skin not inked.  I wouldn't crave a tattoo.  I wouldn't have to bother with covering them up for certain occasions.  In general, life is easier without them.  But they're part of who I am, and my friends, people who love me, etc accept them and me.

During conversations, another point was brought up.  I haven't dated recently - at all.  I got fed up after a few bad dates and haven't paid attention to the opposite sex.  My tattoos play a part in who I date.  Not going to lie, a lot of guys will say a girl with tattoos is hot, but secretly we intimidate them.  I'm a strong personality, and I know dating me is hard.  I'm me and no matter how much I like someone, there are just parts of me that won't change.  The kind of guys that would put up with me are few and far between, and they're weeded out a lot of times by the tattoos.

I still plan on doing my left arm and finishing my back.  Someday I'd like to find someone who loves me and my tattoos.  I will always caution people who want to get tattoos to think seriously about them before.  Most people end up regretting their tattoos.  Some day I might regret mine.  Today isn't that day.  Mostly I'm writing this to say that sometimes, you have to find yourself again.

*The one instance when someone made me actually feel crappy for having tattoos was when a complete stranger walked up to me and said, "Oh my, why would you ever get tattoos?  You'll never be a beautiful bride."

6 thoughts:

Suzan Isik said...

You know, I give you grief for being the Scary and Intimidating Tattooed Girl. I <3 you for you are, and I say you're Scary and Intimidating in more of a tongue-in-cheek sort of way, because you've never been scary or intimidating to me, and the notion is absolutely ridiculous to me. You're an awesome person, and you're all nice and stuff, and I don't think I tell you that... like at all. But that's mainly because I've got a heart of stone... :P

I like that you're a strong personality. Except when you're in my head and what you think comes out my mouth. Then I don't like you too much. ;)

pamela said...

"Oh my, why would you ever get tattoos? You'll never be a beautiful bride."

What the eff?! You'd be a gorgeous bride with and without your tattoos. Screw them. I think you're beautiful and I've always admired people with tats. They're like a gallery. Like a canvas of gorgeous art.. A glass case of display art, you know?

And? I totally want an anchor tattoo. One, my husband was in the Navy when we were dating. Two, I love anything and everything Nautical.

I would like a heart around it or in the center... a smashing pumpkins sort of heart. And a tambourine! Because I would listen to Mr. Tambourine Man anything we weren't able to talk on the phone and I would sit down next to my record player and cry cry cry.

Micah said...

I'm with Pamela... I wanted to hit someone when I read that asterix (sp?) point. Wow. What the heck.

That aside, I liked reading your post. You know I've never gotten tattoos and never wanted to, but I respect that part of who you are and continue to develop. It was neat to understand a little better the heart behind it. I love how you finished the post, "Sometimes, you have to find yourself again." I'm glad you did!

Cid said...

Awe, thanks guys. It's weird how you can be going through something and not even realize it. I feel lighter somehow this morning. It sounds stupid and whatever, but that's the truth of it. <3

Cid said...

Oh, the wedding comment.

Yeah, that seriously bugged me for years. It stuck in my head despite knowing what the lady was saying was a bunch of crap. It wasn't until I saw the wedding pictures from Pyro & Magnum (derby people) wedding and I saw how absolutely beautiful she was that I realized I was holding onto something toxic - and I let it go. Pyro had fuscia hair for her wedding, two sleeves of tattoos - and still rocked a traditional wedding gown. It was beautiful, and totally her.

Anonymous said...

I think one of the reasons I was immediately drawn to you was your beautiful ink. In fact, one of the first things I think I said to you was about your tats.

I have one black ink on my ankle because I was too chicken to get it all prettified and add colors. Really, with my pain threshold so low, it was amazing that I went in for one to begin with. That said, I love my Wild Angel and have been for years planning on getting an ankh behind my left shoulder for balance and because it's so personal to me.

That's it, though, isn't it? Skin art is so deeply personal that you *must* be invested in what you're putting on your body. So when someone throws you negativity about it, their attack is felt more deeply than some others might be.

Know that your ink is a beautiful outward expression of the vibrant, engaging lady you are. Know that your skin art is inspiring and encouraging to others.

About Me

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Grew up traveling to rodeos with my parents. I've gone across the world thanks to my gypsie feet. I feel sometimes like I've done everything & nothing. I've played roller derby, traveled parts of the world, have four degrees. I've done some things most people will never do in their lives & still I want to do more. I want to work with orphans & teenagers again. I'm a Christian. I have a lot of tattoos. I like art therefore I want to be art. I love people. I started writing years ago when I was a kid. I think at the time it was an outlet for me; I found escape in my word & the worlds I created. Eventually I just started to like creating stuff & that's when I started sharing it with other people. Now I think I write every day. I want to do NaNoWrMo this year. I'm also learning how to knit. I think I'm on my way to being an eccentric old woman who runs around the world doing silly cazy things and knitting while she does them. Be on your guard I have knitting needles!

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