Not even going to lie.  Yesterday was a display in failure.  I decided against going grocery shopping on Sunday because someone gave me an unreleased book I just had to read the instant it hit my in-box (oh how I love my ereader!).  So that left me sans food for lunch and breakfast and pretty much dinner too.  So yesterday I had triscuits and a granola bar for lunch, the appetizer to the dinner I had to go buy at the grocery store was a sausage biscuit, but dinner was my prescribed plan fitting sandwich and my late night snack I shouldn't have had was apples.  Today I will be better!  Why?  Um, because I went grocery shopping, that's why.

Last night I *started* wrapping presents.  I hate wrapping.  I've decided that next year, everyone will be getting either one HUGE box with everything tossed in it, or I'm going to spend a small fortune on bags.  Wrapping is a pain in the butt when you have to sit on the floor and do it!  The things I wish I would have known before I bought a fashionably different dining set.  Ah well. 

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Yogurt - 100 calories - unknown fat content
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:668

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Apples - lots of them - 240 calories
• daily calories remaining:839

Dinner

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 428

I have a radio alarm clock that goes off in the morning.  I don't usually really listen to it, it's just background noise but over the last week there's been this bit that has caught my attention, and not in a good way.  One of the DJs has gone to some length to propagate the rumor that he was involved in a rather high profile divorce.  I was shocked that the DJ was proud of this rumor he's encouraged.  Why would you want to be the source of someone's divorce?  I don't understand why this would be cool or encouraging or whatever.  I just don't get why this person would want to exploit someone elses pain.

The other thing that has happened on this particular radio show was a segment done about missed love connections, when you knew there was someone you should be with but aren't.  Everyone they talked to was married or in an established, long term relationship with feelings for someone else.  They discussed how to cheat, or if they person on the phone should break up their relationship or the one that the other person was in.

Why is it okay to break apart someone else's relationship?  I know right now I'm sensitive about this because someone who is like family is going through a tougher than shit kind of time.  I take stuff personally, I know but oh well. 

Okay, that's it.  I'm ticked about stupid stuff and yeah.  I'm off to go do Christmas stuff.

Today is going to be a sucktascular day for watching those calories/fat grams.  First, I'm out of appropriate breakfasty items - but I'm not really hungry anyways and it's almost lunch time.  Second, I'm going shopping for more presents and then there's a party tonight so I very much doubt I'll be in the know of everything I eat or drink.  But you know what?  Days like this are okay.  No one can keep to a strict regime every single day of their lives; it would get uber boring!  I'm going to try to keep track of at least how much I eat, make smart choices, and eat things in moderation.  I can always be good tomorrow.  :D

What I'm finding really helpful are the number of places that have their nutritional information up on websites.  I've been able to rule out going to Pot Belly's for my skinny Italian sandwich because 32 grams of fat?  Um, no! But! My favorite sandwich at Quiznoes is exactly in my plan.

Okay, the only thing that went 'right' Saturday as far as my eating habits went was Quiznos. 

Saturday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• Nothing
• daily calories remaining: 1800

Lunch

• Quiznoes Chicken Carbonara regular on wheat - 350 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1450

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Pomegranate drink - 130 calories
• daily calories remaining:1170

Dinner

• snack foods @ Dakota's place - God only knows how many calories!
• 2 Dr Peppers - 300 calories
• Total: who knows? calories - who knows? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:

 Sunday
Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• Nothing
• daily calories remaining: 1800

Lunch

• Frozen pizza -  calories - 20 grams of fat
  
• daily calories remaining:

Snacks

• Reeses Mini Peanut Butter Cups - 220 calories - 13 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:1170
  

Dinner

• Frozen pizza - calories - 20 grams of fat
• Total: who knows? calories - who knows? grams of fat
• daily calories remaining:

OMG! Who else watches Dr Who?

((Note, if you haven't seen Dr Who or are not into season 5 right now, I'm not responsible for possible spoilers below.  <3  ))

Have you seen THE ANGEL episodes?  I'm just now watching season 5 and OMG!!  I made the mistake of watching Those Episodes right before I was planning on going to sleep.  Um, newp.  No sleeping happened.  I wound up watching like another hour of tv and knitting because it was too freaking creepy.  Who would ever have guessed that angel statues could be creeeeeeeepppppyyyyyyy?  It's amazing how something as innocent as statuary can now be defined as creepy.  I will never, ever look at an angel statue the same ever again.

I mean really, how could this pretty, poignant statue of a crying angel be scary?





When it looks at you like this!!



Okay. I'm done now.  Just wanted to say that ANGEL STATUES ARE CREEPY!!!!!

Okay, so today was a day about refusing temptation - and choosing wisely.  I could have had pizza for lunch.  PIZZA!  But I said no, I ate my sammitch for lunch.  I've taken to drinking my Dr Pepper in the middle of the afternoon, which has been working well.  Serves as kind of an afternoon pick-me-up. 

What I found mildly exciting this evening was that according to my scale I'm 4 pounds lighter than I was four days ago.  It's not something I'm going to hold onto.  I think that in a week if I'm still missing this 4 pounds then I'll accept it as fact.  Not until them really.

I did decide that since it's Friday night, and I've been such a 'good girl' I would indulge in some Chickfila.  The nuggets fit in fine with my plan, but it's the fries that just kill things.  I got the "small" combo and I'm drinking more water and tea than Dr Pepper.  It's all about making smart choices, right?

Next up - Dr Who and knitting!!!!!

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• cinnamon roll oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• chickfila 
• nuggets - 270 calories - 12 grams of fat
• waffle fries (small) - 290 calories - 16 grams of fat
• Total: 560 calories - 28 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 519

Is it too early to say that I'm proud of myself for lasting three full days?

Calorie / Fat Journal 
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat 
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining: 1079

Dinner

• sandwich
• chicken - 120 calories - 5 grams of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• Total: 340 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 739 calories

Okay, so I uber failed this morning on remembering to take supplements.  I completely forgot.  But, the food eating is okay.  I'm hungry, like wow hungry, but lunch is in an hour and a half so, here's hoping I last that long!  :)

So far my biggest want is Dr Pepper.  It's almost 9pm and OMG I WANT A FRIGGEN DR PEPPER!  I might cave.

The thing that I have problems remembering is to take my supplements.  It's almost 9pm and I have yet to take one.  Ug.  Maybe I'll remember better tomorrow?

Good news, I did go to bellydancing class tonight!

Calorie / Fat Journal
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• Total: 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1640

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1229

Snacks

• Triscuits - 65 calories - 3 grams of fat
• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• daily calories remaining:  1014

Dinner

• sandwich
• chicken - 120 calories - 5 grams of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• Total: 340 calories - 12 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 674 calories

First off, if me referring to this as my 'Fatty Journal' offends you, I apologize.  I don't mean to be offensive, but it helps me to handle difficult things by making light of them.  Thus, why this is my Fatty Journey.

This morning began with a well intentioned 6am alarm to get myself up and exercising for a bit before the day really began.  I failed.  Miserably.  I pressed snooze for an hour at least and then had to scramble to get ready and count out my calories.  Today I made the effort to dress 'cute'.  I've been feeling far from cute lately and I decided that I need to put the effort out there to dress up my appearance.  If I dress like I want to feel, it will make a difference, right?

So calorie counting.  I had a heartbreaking realization when I was figuring out my calorie/fat allowance.  My favorite winter breakfast item, the sausage biscuit, is way over my calorie/fat daily intake allowance.  By like, a lot!  I had a few moments to lament the loss.  Maybe on the weekends I'll do a little splurge and treat myself to one, but as a daily thing I have to drop it.  And then I had to juggle my lunch because based on my mealtime fat allowance I was over.  It was an easy fix; drop back to one piece of cheese from two, but it took actually looking at it.  Counting calories and fat grams, this is work.  This is going to be tough, but hopefully keeping myself accountable by blogging will help me remember to keep track.

Dr Pepper is one of my big weaknesses.  I'm going to try to cut back; I know that I can't quit drinking them, at least not cold turkey and I don't really want to.  Moderation is the key I think.  Maybe I'll try to relegate Dr Pepper to special reward status or something instead of a lunch time staple.

I'm updating this blog through the day.  Mostly it gives me a place to vent and worry and whine.  Like right now - for the last fifteen minutes I've been trying to figure out if I'm hungry, or if I just want to be hungry.  Being hungry would give me an excuse to go raid the kitchen, but I don't really think I'm hungry.  At least I don't really need to eat anything.  I think I just want an excuse to get away from my desk.

FYI I lasted until all of 2pm without a Dr Pepper.  Also, building Christmas party was too tempting to pass up.  I got a little square thinggy of cake and retreated to my ivory tower office without any more damage done.

Dinner was hard.  I wasn't hungry in the slightest, so I picked up my stuff and ran with it.  We had a book signing to attend tonight (tons of fun, book-addicts.com update to come!) and dinner didn't happen until around 10pm at IHOP.  I resisted the call of pancakes in favor of a 'smart choices' grilled chicken sandwich.  Go me.

Calorie / Fat Journal
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• vanilla creamer x 2 - 60 calories - 3 grams of fat
• Total: 220 calories - 5 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1580

Lunch

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1169

Snacks

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Cake Square Thing - Assuming 100 calories
• Izzy - 90 calories
• daily calories remaining: 829 calories

Dinner

• chicken sandwich, IHOP - 600 calories 
• daily calories remaining:  229

Go me!

Recently I've come to realize how much weight I've gained in the last two years.  It's substantial.  Enough that I'm often just uncomfortable because of my weight.  So, tonight after stepping on the scale and having a few moments where I hyperventilated and freaked out, I decided that I needed to do something about this.  It's within my power to do stuff; I can change what I eat, make time to work out and I should do that now when I'm in my 20's instead of ten, twenty years down the line when my heath is poor and I'm miserable.

So, I'm going to be making an effort to eat healthier - which means no burgers, fries, and especially chickfila.  I'm cutting down on my Dr Pepper; I'm going to make an effort to drink more water.  I'm going to look into what it costs to join the gym in the building where I work.  I'm going back to bellydance classes.

I can do this, I just have to remember that I want to.

Seriously.  I'm pretty much always on the go.  How do I ever manage to get anything done?

It's been a full weekend, that it has been.

Friday things got derailed from our intended Dr Who and knitting marathon so instead I spent Friday night reading the brand new Dakota Cassidy book, You Dropped a Blonde on Me.  It's awesome because it's her humor and the story of someone learning how to deal with life after a crazy turn of events.  I know I don't understand the whole dynamic of divorce and being remarried, but from the angle of just wanting an entertaining book - it delivers.

Saturday I told myself I was going to knock out a bunch of Christmas shopping.  I'm all done as far as my mom is concerned, but she's the easiest person to buy for, so that's not saying a whole lot.  I still need to buy my dad's presents for her, but he gave me a list and I'll work off of that.  I still need to buy for my grandmothers, sister, niece and my family pick person - who I don't know yet.  Great!  I have begun to buy at least one book for each family member and I've got that item knocked off, so that's the most important shopping all tied up and taken care of as far as I'm concerned.  I'll work on the rest later.

Saturday night was my cousin's wedding.  I haven't seen him or his family in close to six or eight years, and my mother whined about going until I almost let her off the hook, but we still went!  And I was really glad we went.  All of her brothers and sisters save for one attended.  They never get together any more.  And, my mom's stepmother was there.  There's a whole pile of family "stuff" in that situation I won't even touch, but it was a pleasant reunion to see her.  The wedding was small and intimate and a lot of fun.  They had a guitarist that did all requests, and did Glee like mash ups.  It was a fantastic time, and my mom was really glad I dragged her along.

Today I woke up way early; like 8am, which for me on a weekend is stinking early!  I did all kinds of responsible things; I started laundry, did the dishes, went grocery shopping and bought stuff for the Chin Children.  And then - I did revisions.  I'll be talking about that in a few days over at cidwrites, but today was a big day as far as going through the draft and making changes.

Tonight was my Uncle D's Christmas party.  He used to have a family get together every year for a while until he moved, but my family has stopped going.  This year, however, I got an invitation so it didn't matter if my stick in the mud parents (love you mom and dad!) weren't going, I was going!  I also dragged Suzan along and made her go make nice with my family.  There were the most amazing, squishy chocolate covered gingerbread cookies!  And I got to see some more family and chitchat with other people I don't really know that well.

All in all - a very productive, fun weekend.

This week is going to be more of the busy, busy, busy.  Tomorrow night I need to do more Christmas shopping, Tuesday night we're going to a Richelle Mead book signing, Wednesday I know I have something, Thursday is #writersdatenight and I might be free on Friday before the crazy starts all over again.  So - there 'ya go!  Lots happening.  Time for me to go to sleeeeeeep!!