First off, if me referring to this as my 'Fatty Journal' offends you, I apologize.  I don't mean to be offensive, but it helps me to handle difficult things by making light of them.  Thus, why this is my Fatty Journey.

This morning began with a well intentioned 6am alarm to get myself up and exercising for a bit before the day really began.  I failed.  Miserably.  I pressed snooze for an hour at least and then had to scramble to get ready and count out my calories.  Today I made the effort to dress 'cute'.  I've been feeling far from cute lately and I decided that I need to put the effort out there to dress up my appearance.  If I dress like I want to feel, it will make a difference, right?

So calorie counting.  I had a heartbreaking realization when I was figuring out my calorie/fat allowance.  My favorite winter breakfast item, the sausage biscuit, is way over my calorie/fat daily intake allowance.  By like, a lot!  I had a few moments to lament the loss.  Maybe on the weekends I'll do a little splurge and treat myself to one, but as a daily thing I have to drop it.  And then I had to juggle my lunch because based on my mealtime fat allowance I was over.  It was an easy fix; drop back to one piece of cheese from two, but it took actually looking at it.  Counting calories and fat grams, this is work.  This is going to be tough, but hopefully keeping myself accountable by blogging will help me remember to keep track.

Dr Pepper is one of my big weaknesses.  I'm going to try to cut back; I know that I can't quit drinking them, at least not cold turkey and I don't really want to.  Moderation is the key I think.  Maybe I'll try to relegate Dr Pepper to special reward status or something instead of a lunch time staple.

I'm updating this blog through the day.  Mostly it gives me a place to vent and worry and whine.  Like right now - for the last fifteen minutes I've been trying to figure out if I'm hungry, or if I just want to be hungry.  Being hungry would give me an excuse to go raid the kitchen, but I don't really think I'm hungry.  At least I don't really need to eat anything.  I think I just want an excuse to get away from my desk.

FYI I lasted until all of 2pm without a Dr Pepper.  Also, building Christmas party was too tempting to pass up.  I got a little square thinggy of cake and retreated to my ivory tower office without any more damage done.

Dinner was hard.  I wasn't hungry in the slightest, so I picked up my stuff and ran with it.  We had a book signing to attend tonight (tons of fun, book-addicts.com update to come!) and dinner didn't happen until around 10pm at IHOP.  I resisted the call of pancakes in favor of a 'smart choices' grilled chicken sandwich.  Go me.

Calorie / Fat Journal
[1800 calories daily / 19 grams of fat per meal ]

Breakfast

• maple brown sugar oatmeal - 160 calories - 2 grams of fat
• vanilla creamer x 2 - 60 calories - 3 grams of fat
• Total: 220 calories - 5 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1580

• sandwich
• honey wheat bread - 140 calories - 1 gram of fat
• muenster cheese - 80 calories - 6 grams of fat
• thin shaved salami - 111 calories - 9 grams of fat
• apple slices - 80 calories - 0 grams of fat
• Total: 411 calories - 16 grams of fat
• daily calories remaining: 1169

• Dr Pepper - 150 calories
• Cake Square Thing - Assuming 100 calories
• Izzy - 90 calories
• daily calories remaining: 829 calories

• chicken sandwich, IHOP - 600 calories 
• daily calories remaining:  229